Unconditional Love
by Nurse Betty Page
Summary: The Doctor is accidentally exposed to a deadly toxin, facing a fight for life that leaves him paralysed - and Clara decides to stay with the man she loves, hoping love will be enough to pull him through - even though the Doctor has yet to know that his Impossible Girl is so deeply in love with him, that she will fight for him even when he has given up on fighting for himself...
1. Chapter 1

Unconditional Love:

(AU setting, 12 X Clara pairing)

When the Tardis lands in a vast underground complex beneath the surface of a frozen planet named Lorilia, the Doctor offers to help the workers who are constructing a prison world with their insect problem – and due to an error of judgement is bitten by a deadly Permafrost Ice Scorpion.

As the Doctor fights for life Clara is faced with the terrifying prospect of both losing him and being stuck beneath the icy surface of the bleak planet forever, and as she waits to discover the outcome she faces the fact that her feelings for the Time Lord run far deeper than she has ever dared to admit to him or to herself.

The Doctor survives, but Clara is told by chief medic Jace Earl that his recovery is uncertain – and there is a strong possibility the Doctor may never fully recover from the venom that has caused paralysis. When the Doctor tells Clara to use the Tardis to return to Earth without him, she reaches a turning point – and decides she will _not_ be leaving the bleak underground facility without him.

As the Doctor becomes strong enough to continue his recovery away from the facility, Clara persuades him to leave with her in the Tardis, but the Doctor, still partially paralysed, is halfway through a long programme of treatment and his full recovery is still not certain, and it soon dawns on her that he needs a nurse - and she is not sure she can handle that task, because the Doctor is in a great deal of pain.

Then Jace Earl offers to travel with them, and promises to do all he can to help with the Doctor's recovery. But as the three of them leave together, Clara is in turmoil as she wonders if her best efforts will be enough to help the Doctor to full recovery – and she has still not told him how she truly feels, a matter made worse when it turns out Jace Earl is also hiding more than a secret or two...

* * *

><p>Rated T<p>

Disclaimer: I own nothing at all, just love to write fan fiction!

* * *

><p>Chapter 1<p>

Clara sat alone in a starkly lit room where the walls were concrete just like the walls of the many tunnels beyond it. She tried not to think about the icy surface of the planet, or how far below the ground this complex lie – they were building a multitude of facilities here in this bleak place - living and working areas, factories, and on the other side of the complex, a vast prison for the worst offenders from the overflowing prison system on a nearby Earth colony planet.

She didn't want to think how far down she was, or how afraid she was for the Doctor, because both thoughts snatched away her ability to take in a proper breath.

_Clara was afraid._

She drew in a sharp breath as fear reflected in her wide eyes and the events that had just unfolded played out again, like shards of recollection, but not the whole memory, because panic had blurred most of that:

_They had landed in the complex below surface and the Doctor had seen no harm in taking a look around._

"_This could be interesting," he had said._

_Moments later they had met with some army officials overseeing construction work._

"_I'm the Doctor and this is Clara," the Doctor had said as he made the introductions, and then the officer had told him of the trouble they had with a suspected rare nest in the wall._

_They had said spiders._

_The Doctor had said spiders too._

_And then it had turned bad._

"_Its harmless," the Doctor had remarked as he ran a finger down a wide split in the wall and wiped away a thick cobweb, "the ice scorpions that lived in the permafrost were wiped out when the foundations were laid for this complex."_

_And he had turned his head and looked at the man in charge._

"_You wiped out a whole species, I hope you're proud of yourself."_

"_But the venom they carried was deadly!" the man had protested._

_The Doctor had shook his head._

"_No reason to kill them. I've met plenty of venomous people in my time but the human race is still thriving. The scorpions didn't need to be wiped out." He turned briefly to a soldier who stood close by._

"_I'm ninety percent sure there are no dangerous creatures in here. If this nest contains scorpions they are the last of their kind, but that is unlikely and I'm willing to gamble on it. Put your flame thrower away, you've already destroyed an entire species!" _

"_Doctor...wait..."_

_He had turned and looked at her._

"_Why are you looking so worried?" he had said to her, "Trust me, Clara, I know what I'm doing."_

_And then he had taken off his jacket and handed it to her and rolled up his sleeve._

"_Be careful," she has whispered, and he had given a sigh._

"_You're the one who takes care, remember? I don't need to."_

_And the Doctor had slid his hand into the gap, then pushed deeper._

Clara pulled back from the memory as she drew in another sharp breath and sweat ran down her face.

Her heart was racing and she didn't want to think about the Doctor dying or about the prospect of being stuck here in this underground complex beneath the surface of a frozen planet, miles from home forever – both prospects terrified her in equal measure.

Fear still reflected in her eyes, fear and shock as she shivered and her heart raced and it seemed with every breath the walls were closing in as what had happened next played over in her mind:

_The Doctor had reached further inside._

_Something had lashed out, the Doctor had staggered back, giving a sharp cry of pain as blood ran from a deep wound to his arm._

_And then as he fell to the ground the man in charge barked orders, other workers prepared to rush the Doctor to sick bay while the soldier opened up the flame thrower and a burst of fire scorched through the cracked wall and something inside screeched..._

_She had looked down at the Doctor, on his back on the floor, his face as grey as his hair as he lay there motionless._

"_Please don't die," she had said – or perhaps she had thought that, she could not recall if she had spoken aloud, but that had been the moment she had realised the man she loved was dying..._

_They had rushed him off to sick bay and she had hurried alongside him as he fought for breath and coughed and his grey complexion turned white. As he was taken through the doors of the emergency room his lips had turned blue._

And now she was alone in a tiny room, waiting for news...

It seemed like the kind of room they would put people in who were waiting for bad news.

The thought hit her again:

_He could be dying. _

_She could lose him._

_She might lose the man she loved._

_She loved him and she had never told him..._

She wasn't quite sure when she had fallen in love with the Doctor.

Perhaps it had been before he had changed, and then afterwards, she had got to know him again, and fallen in love all over again, and this time the love felt even deeper.

She had dated other guys and tried to put aside her thoughts of him that always came to her when she was home, while he was out there somewhere in time and space and she would wish for all the things that were out of her reach.

She had even told him once, in her own way – she had told him that he was her hero. _It was the next best thing to an admission of love._

And now she was afraid she would never get the chance to tell him of what really lie inside her heart...

As she sat there she blinked away tears, knowing eventually someone would open that door and walk into the room.

_It would not be the Doctor._

It would be a stranger, who would tell her news she was afraid to hear, because no matter what she was told, she knew it would not be the exact words she needed:

She wanted to be told that he was just fine, that he would be okay in a couple of hours. It was just a mild injury, nothing as bad as she had imagined, it had been worse than it looked.

And then the Doctor would walk into the room, say something about how she worried too much, thank her for looking after his jacket and then he would take it from her, put it on and tell her they were leaving.

_That was all she wanted._

For the Doctor to walk in and be fine and for the both of them to go back to the Tardis and fly away, off into deep space where they would talk about what happened and she would poke fun at him for being so rash in his judgement and eventually he would see the funny side, and might even crack a smile.

_That was what she wanted._

_And it wasn't going to happen._

Clara still had his black suit jacket folded neatly on her lap. She looked down at it as she turned back the fabric and ran her hand over the red lining. That jacket carried the scent of the man and perhaps so much more – the Doctor's clothing was dark, smart and sensible, but that red lining... maybe it was there to remind him that he had another side, a secret dash of passion in his soul that his usually reserved self didn't let out very often.

She wondered if she would ever get to see that warm, passionate side of him, she had often thought she had seen a hint of it in his eyes, heard it in his voice...

_No. _

She cast that thought aside as she felt drenched in sorrow and understood the next time she saw him, he would most likely be dead.

Clara took in a slow, deep breath and closed her eyes as she tried to draw up her strength, because she was close to falling apart and she knew if she did she would be of no use to the Doctor, if the Doctor still lived to need a use for her...

"Please don't die," she whispered, and as she opened her eyes again she looked down at the jacket she held in her hands. She wanted to hug it close, to cry into it until her tears soaked through the black exterior and ran all the way through to the lining. But she knew tears could wait, because she was waiting and no matter how bleak the outcome seemed, until she knew for sure, desperation compelled her to hope.

She ran her hand over the pocket and felt something solid in there. She slipped her hand inside and ran her fingers over his sonic screwdriver, and then she hugged the jacket tighter, and a crazy thought came to her that if she was wrong about this and he walked in the door right now absolutely fine, he would _not_ be happy to find out she had creased his immaculate jacket...

Clara smiled at the thought, then her heart ached and her smile was gone as she wondered how the hell she could smile about anything at a time like this.

She thought back to the day he had reminded her _I'm not your boyfriend, _and suddenly those words seemed to wound deeply, as if fate or life or destiny or whatever it was that really sorted the order of the universe was using her for a great big spiteful joke:

_Find the Doctor._

_Spread yourself through time and space to save him over and over._

_Be his impossible girl, lose him to regeneration – and then get him back, with a new body and a new face and even a new voice, and fall in love with him even more deeply...and never get to tell him about it._

_Was that the twist in the life of Clara Oswald?_

_Was she destined to spend the rest of her days here, trapped below the surface on a frozen planet, with the Doctor dead and gone?_

None of this was fair.

Suddenly it seemed as if life could never be fair again, not if he was gone...

And then the door opened, and as she looked up her need to know was replaced with a sense of panic that made her want to put her hands over her ears and scream to drown out the truth, because she was about to find out; it was happening now and there was nowhere to run to escape from it...

* * *

><p>The man who had entered the room was a little shorter than the Doctor, his build was quite heavy and from the stripes and insignia on his dark uniform she guessed he was a military doctor.<p>

"Clara Oswald," he said, looking at her with dark blue eyes that carried either bad news or a natural tendency to carry intensity in his gaze, "I'm Dr Jace Earl, I'm the chief medic around here."

And he held out his hand, and Clara stared at it.

"But you can call me Jace," he added, "Hello? I'm up here?"

She was still sitting in the chair, looking at his hand but not reaching for it.

"Miss Oswald?" he said, softening his tone as he spoke again, "May I sit down? You look like this has all been a terrible shock."

She was still staring at him as he sat beside her.

_She wanted to ask the question._

_She wanted to know if the Doctor was alive or dead, but the words would not come._

Jace sat down in the chair next to her.

"Clara."

She blinked.

"Yes?"

That had come to her as a relief, she had finally found the courage to speak...

He was still looking at her intently.

"The Doctor pulled through, he's still with us."

She drew in a deep breath and as she let it out it seemed every muscle in her body let go of painful tension at the same time, and for a moment she wondered how she didn't just collapse and slide out of the chair, his words had just lifted a pressing weight from her chest that had made it almost impossible to breathe.

Tears stung at her eyes as she spoke up again.

"So...so he's okay? He's going to be fine, isn't he, tell me he is -"

"I can't say that, Clara. I don't make false promises."

The spark of hope that had just lit her eyes faded out, drenched dark by sorrow.

"How bad is it, then?"

Jace explained carefully, to be sure she took it all in.

"The venom of the permafrost ice scorpion is deadly in around eighty percent of cases. Of those who survive, most do not make a full recovery, and those who make a partial recovery sometimes never come off some degree of artificial life support. I'm saying the odds are against him, Clara. The venom is highly toxic and attacks the nervous system, it travels up the spinal cord."

Her eyes were wide as she stared at him.

"You're saying he might never get over this?" she said in a hushed voice.

"I'm saying, the odds are against a full recovery, but it is not impossible. He's not human, is he?"

She shook her head

"He's a Time Lord, from a planet called Gallifrey."

"That means nothing to me - but I do know from his scans that he has two hearts and a complicated cardiovascular system. Both his hearts arrested before treatment but we got them started again, and he's had a high dose of anti venom that seems to have stopped the progress of the venom in its tracks. Assuming he does survive, he is looking at a long recovery, he's going to need low dose anti venom injections daily for the next three months. At the end of that time, how ever he is, how far he has come in his recovery, will be as good as it is ever going to get."

Clara looked at him intently, trying to make sense of all he had said and still find something positive to cling to.

"So he could make a full recovery?"

"Possibly," Jace said cautiously, "But I don't want to give you false hope. If he pulls through the first twenty-four hours, he _may_ recover to a degree – but its likely the paralysis could be permanent."

"Paralysis?" she said, her voice hushed as she stared at him in alarm.

"There is a strong possibility he may never walk again. I'm sorry, I can't tell you anything else because it will depend on how he responds to the anti venom. But we don't know what will happen next, all we can do is hope he gets through the next day – if he can make that twenty-four hours, he stands a good chance of survival. But he also needs to wake up, and all I can say on that is, the sooner the better. You can see him now, we've done all we can to make him comfortable."

He stepped back and Clara stood up.

"What do you mean?" she asked, "_When_ he wakes up?"

"_He's in a coma,"_ he replied, _"I can't say how long it will last. Come with me, I'll take you to him." _

_He was in a coma?_

Clara followed Jace out of the room, and as she walked down the bleak hall towards a door at the end of the corridor she felt numbed by the shock of all he had told her...


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Clara stood there at the end of the corridor still feeling caught between numbness and the urge to slide to the floor and sob. Jace was opening the door, and she was afraid of that door opening because she couldn't begin to imagine what she would find when she walked into that room and saw the Doctor barely clinging to life.

She had always thought some day they would stumble into danger that would spell the end, perhaps they would have been caught up in a war even the Doctor could not put a stop to, or he would meet one of his many old and dangerous enemies and there would have been a bitter fight to the very end.

_Those were the worst case scenarios she had envisioned._

She had never imagined it would have been something like this, that the Doctor, being his usual determined self, had been so set on making a point that he had taken a gamble and lost, and this was the result...

_What he had done had been a stupid mistake._

_So stupid she could have thought of it as a human error..._

_But wasn't that how many people met their end?_

_Accidents, mistakes, it happened every day, but not to a man like the Doctor. _

_Maybe it was just that everyone's luck ran out one day, and now it was his turn... _

Jace went into the room first and she followed, and then Clara stood there in the small white room as she fixed her gaze on the bed surrounded by monitors. Wires and tubes snaked from the patient to the machines, and she felt as if this had to be a dream, just a dream and soon she would wake up from it, because no matter how hard she looked and wished to see someone else in that bed, the patient was _still _the Doctor.

Jace went over to the bed and indicated to a box where several tubes ran to a single larger IV that ran into the Doctor's arm.

"This machine controls his meds."

She was still standing there at a distance from the bed, her gaze fixed on the Doctor.

"_Clara?"_

She heard him that time, and drew in a deep breath and went over to the Doctor's bedside and stood next to Jace.

"I need you to understand this, look..."

He indicated to the buttons on the side of the box.

"The yellow one releases a basic combination of nutrients at a steady pace. The blue one does nothing unless he needs tranquillizing, and the green one gives a safe dose of pain relief. That is all he needs for now."

"What's that other one for?" she asked, noticing a red button lower down on the box.

"That is the one you need to remember," he told her, "If you're alone with him and anything happens, if he has difficulty breathing, if his vital signs go crazy, if alarms go off – you hit that button and call me or the emergency team in here."

She nodded.

"Red...okay, I won't forget that one."

Then she looked down at the Doctor, his face was still pale and his eyes were closed, he was breathing slowly and steadily and his bare chest had been covered with a mesh of thin wires containing silver discs that had been fixed to his skin. As he exhaled again a trickle of blood ran from one of the discs.

"Are those things attached under his skin?"

Jace briefly turned to the medical equipment next to the bed and then he carefully wiped the blood away.

"I've fitted him with a cybernetic brace – the power points have titanium teeth that bite into the skin and keep the unit in place – it's not heavy to wear, and its there to help regulate his breathing control until the worst of the effects of the venom have passed."

"Does it hurt?"

"Nothing hurts him Clara, he's in a coma. And while the scans indicate he's recovering upper body movement and sensation, he will be very weak for the first few days. His lower body may as well be gone, he won't feel anything from the waist down for a long time – and like I told you before, I can't promise he will ever get over that. But, he is not human and my knowledge is based upon human patients, so I'm hoping his alien species might prove more resistant to the venom."

She looked at him in surprise. She knew she was doing it again, clutching at straws out of pure desperation, but for now, if hoping against the odds was all she had to keep her sane, she was going to keep grabbing those slivers of hope no matter how tiny they really were...

Jace placed a chair beside the bed.

"You sit with him, Clara. Talk to him, it might help. This coma could be over rapidly if he's lucky, as I told you, as far as waking up goes, the sooner the better, its always a good sign. It could last an hour or a month or...I just don't know. He's alien."

She sat down and then turned her head and looked up at Jace.

"No matter what happens," she said, "I'm here for him, I'll stay with him, I want to help look after him."

And she blinked back tears as her hand covered the Doctor's and she gripped it gently.

Suddenly Jace saw something in her eyes, along with the way she had taken hold of his hand so tenderly, and he came to a conclusion he wished he had spotted at the start.

"I didn't realise, I'm sorry. I'm not saying it because he's older than you I just didn't think you two were - you know, together. I can see it now. I'm sorry, maybe I should have been a bit more gentle about the way I broke the news to you. I'm doing all I can for him, Clara. _I'll try to keep your boyfriend alive._"

His words had taken her by surprise, but she felt too choked with emotion and overwhelmed by all that had happened to take the time to explain his conclusion was wrong.

Jace briefly touched her shoulder.

"I'll leave you with him now, remember where the call button is if you need to use it. I'll be back soon."

And then he left the room, and Clara sat there quietly as she watched over the Doctor as he remained locked in a coma.

* * *

><p>Clara sat in silence at his bedside for quite a while as she watched him breathing slowly and steadily. Another of the power points on the cybernetic brace began to leak blood and she grabbed some clean gauze and carefully wiped it away.<p>

"I'm not leaving you," she said quietly, "I don't know if you can hear me Doctor, but I'm right here - and I'm staying here."

And the Doctor gave no response.

She reached out and ran her hand over his grey hair, looking down at him with worried eyes as she studied every line on his face that seemed so much deeper as he fought against the poison that had almost killed him.

"The medic in charge seems like a good bloke," she told him, "His name is Jace. He saved your life. He's an army doctor, and he's told me all about what has happened to you."

And then she paused, wondering again if he could hear her.

Clara took hold of his hand again, gripping it gently in both her hands as she continued to speak.

"He said the venom attacked your spinal cord. So when you wake up you might not be able to walk...maybe not forever, but probably for a while. But the main thing is, you're still alive. That's all I care about right now, that I still have you here with me, and I want it to stay that way, so you have to keep fighting, okay? Just keep doing it."

The Doctor drew in a slow breath and his hand trembled as he tried and briefly succeeded in gripping Clara's hand, one of the monitors was making a low beeping sound but her gaze was fixed on him as she watched his lips part and then his eyes slowly opened halfway as he struggled to focus on her.

"_I...made a mistake,"_ he said weakly, _"Did they kill the nest?"_

She nodded.

The Doctor closed his eyes again as pain registered on his face, but it was emotional pain as he mourned the loss of a species.

"They must have been...the last of their kind!" he took in another breath and then looked up at her in confusion, and now seemed more alert.

"_I can't breathe right...and my legs... What happened to my legs? Have I still got legs?"_

"You're just feeling numb, because of the venom," she said gently, "It may not last forever...please try not to get so worked up." And then she blinked away tears of joy as she smiled.

"You're awake! You're really back!" Tears ran down her face as she spoke again, "This is good, Jace didn't know how long or short the coma would be. You're out of that already, you're going to get better!"

The Doctor's eyes widened. His mind was working now, and as he recalled what had stung him, he also remembered all he knew about the rare venom of the permafrost ice scorpion...

He gripped Clara's hand as tightly as he could, and his hand shook from the effort due to his weakness.

"_Clara, help me!" _he said as fear reflected in his eyes, _"Help me, I'm paralysed!"_

And her heart ached for the usually restless and energetic man who hardly ever kept still. She saw real terror in his eyes as he came to understand the facts.

"But maybe not forever," she said gently, "Please try and stay calm, you need to rest."

He was breathless as he fought against the brace that tried to regulate his breathing.

"Calm?" he snapped, "How can I be calm? I can't feel my legs, I can't feel anything..."

And then he fell silent and as she spoke softly to him and ran her hand over his hair, the Doctor stifled a sob as the shock of it hit him.

"_I'll never walk again!"_

"Maybe, or maybe not! Jace said nothing is certain yet."

"Where is this Jace, I want to speak to him!"

The Doctor's voice was still weak, but his strength was creeping back already, mainly forced back out of determination to find out all he could about what he was up against.

And then the door opened and Jace hurried into the the room, he saw the Doctor had already broken free of the coma and stared at him in surprise.

"Blimey," he said "You certainly are a fighter. Welcome back, Doctor!"

The alarm was still beeping. The Doctor was breathless but determined to continue to speak as he glared at Jace.

"Those scorpions were, most likely, the_ last_ of their kind. You didn't have to torch them! And...you could have -" he paused to draw breath, "You could have done more for_ me_, I can't feel my legs!"

Jace went over to his bedside.

"I am the senior medic here and I can assure you I've done all I possibly can, Doctor!" Then he glanced to the warning on the monitor.

"You need to calm down."

"No, _I need to get up! I need my legs to start working again!"_

"And you might get that back with rest and time -"

"No, I need it _now _– I need to leave!"

The Doctor tried to raise his head, but his body – at least what he could feel of it - felt heavy and the slightest movement was exhausting.

"_Clara, get me out..."_ he murmured, and then he slumped back against the pillow and closed his eyes, his hand slipping from Clara's grip.

She looked to Jace, her eyes wide with fear.

_"Help him!"_

Jace turned to the machine and hit two buttons, and the alarm fell silent and the Doctor gave a sigh, sliding rapidly into a deep sleep.

"Sorted now!" he said, "He came out of the coma sharply, wasn't ready to handle the bad news and wore himself out trying to fight the weakness. I've just given him a shot to help him sleep and some mild pain relief for his arm."

Clara looked down at the Doctor's arm – it was bandaged and she could not see the damage the sting had left behind, she had not even thought about the wound until now because she had been too concerned about when the Doctor would be waking up.

"So he's going to be okay?"

"He broke the coma fast, but that doesn't mean he's going to make it. He's still got to get through the next few hours before we can say he is out of danger, and even then, its going to be an uphill struggle. He needs to calm down if he's going to make any real progress. Is he always so worked up?"

Clara frowned.

"Sometimes."

"Well you need to keep him calm, your boyfriend isn't helping himself get better by getting worked up like that."

She briefly smiled as the Doctor slept on.

"That's just him," she replied, "At least he's still the Doctor."

"Next time you hear an alarm, call me right away," Jace told her, "I would have preferred to have tranquillized him as soon as he got agitated. He needs a lot of rest. So I think for now its best if we keep him partly sedated, just to keep him calm, okay?"

Clara reluctantly agreed.

"As long as its not for too long," she said to him, "I want the Doctor back properly, as I know him to be, and he needs to be back too."

"But not at the cost of what ever recovery he can be strong enough to make," Jace reminded her, "He can't make decisions right now – its up to me and to you, as his next of kin. He might have to stay here for a very long time Clara, weeks, months, maybe even longer. It depends how fast he can respond to the medication and what it does for him. He is going to need daily spinal injections of anti venom for at least the next twelve weeks, so he won't be leaving this facility any time soon. That has to be explained to him. I think you're the best person to do that."

"Thanks a lot, Jace! He's going to hate hearing that news!"

"But he needs constant care. How he recovers now will determine how he will be in the long run. You must emphasise that to him. He could be staying here for a very long time – at worst, maybe years."

Clara's eyes widened in alarm.

"_Years?_ But he can't do that, he's the Doctor, the Tardis is his home!"

"Tardis?" said Jace.

"His ship. He's a time traveller. He lives in the Tardis._ He travels_. Being stuck here long term would kill him!"

Jace gave a heavy sigh.

"I thought being stuck down here beneath ground would kill me too," he admitted, "But I'm still here, still getting on with each day, and I'm committed to it now – I'm on a fifteen year contract."

Clara had taken hold of the Doctor's hand again, and she gently stroked the back of it as she spoke to Jace.

"Why would you want to spend fifteen years down here beneath a frozen planet?"

Jace ran his fingers through fair hair and looked away, and then as he looked back at Clara the pain of a loss that would never fade was present in his eyes.

"My wife died," he said, "Shuttle accident. She was taking a flight from our colony to another nearby Earth established planet, we had plans to buy a farm and grow crops. I wanted us to live like our ancestors had back on Earth in the old days. But then the shuttle malfunctioned and she was gone, so she never got to see that land, let alone put down a payment on it for us. So I carried on as an army medic and took this posting. Now I live underground, Clara. I thought it would help me forget but it doesn't help much at all."

For a brief moment she forgot her own sorrow.

"I'm sorry you lost her," she said, and he placed his hand on her shoulder as he looked at her kindly.

"But you won't lose him, not if I can help it," he said to her as he glanced to the Doctor, who was still deeply sedated, "I know what it feels like, that hopeless pain that never lets up. I won't let you lose him because I know you love him, I lost my Maria but I'm going to try everything I can to help save your boyfriend, I won't give up on the Doctor without a fight."

She managed a smile as tears glazed her eyes.

"Thank you," she whispered, "Neither will I," and then she looked back at the Doctor, determined to hold back from weeping as she watched over him.

* * *

><p>After Jace left the room Clara sat there deep in thought as she watched the Doctor sleeping. She considered all that Jace had told her about the outcome and it was then she decided to stop hoping for more and to accept that what ever came to be would be enough for her, just to know the Doctor was still alive was all she needed to make her decision:<p>

No matter what, he would _not_ be left alone to deal with this.

She would stay with him always, even if he lost his temper and grew bitter over his damaged body, even if he was impossible to live with – he had always called her his Impossible Girl, so she would remember that and smile when things _did_ get impossible...

Clara was feeling stronger now. She was sure confidence would come later and perhaps one day she would even feel happy enough to laugh again, but for now, this was good enough:

_The Doctor was still alive..._

She watched as he slept and then she leaned closer, placing her hand on his cheek as she noticed his face was looking less pale as he rested.

"_Don't be scared," _she said tenderly, _"You are not alone with this and you never will be. I'm here and I'm staying, what you go through, I go through with you. I promise, you will never have to cope with this by yourself. I'm going to look after you, Doctor, and you're going to get better. I'll make sure you do..."_


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

The Doctor's eyes were closed but somewhere, lights were blinking and electronic sounds cut through his sleep.

For a brief moment he thought he was in the Tardis standing at the console, and then as he opened his eyes and saw the white walls around him and felt the pain of a needle in his arm he remembered, and as he remembered he wished he could forget everything - because he could feel nothing of his lower body...

His upper body ached painfully as if pins were driven into his chest and ribcage, his breathing seemed fixed at a slow rate and if he tried to fight it, breathing became difficult.

He reached up and placed his hand on the centre of his chest, then cautiously slid it across, feeling wires and flat rounded power points embedded in his flesh. The sharp pain beneath each of the cybernetic connections felt like tiny razors jabbing through his skin.

"_Get this thing off me!"_

Clara gave a gasp, sitting upright as his panicked voice flung her out of an exhausted doze as she sat next to his bed.

She blinked away sleep. He grabbed at her wrist, squeezing a little too hard as his eyes filled with panic once more.

"_It's a cybernetic breathing support apparatus. Fine if you're human, awful for a Time Lord - get this piece of junk off me, it's crushing the lower part of my diaphragm, I use parts of lungs humans don't and if this carries on I'll get a lung infection, most likely pneumonia, in my weakened state most likely to prove fatal - get it off me before I rip it off!"_

Pain registered on her face and he let go of her wrist.

_"Get it off me,"_ he said again, _"NOW!"_

Clara stared at him, shocked at the sudden change in him. He was much more alert, and hugely aggressive with it...

"I don't know how to. Let me call Jace."

She hit the button on the wall urgently.

The Doctor struggled and failed to shift into an upright position, then he carefully ran his hands over his chest, tracing the lines of the brace to the centre.

"Middle button isn't embedded..." he said breathlessly, "There should be something here to release it..."

"Wait!" Clara said in alarm, "Its supposed to help you breathe!"

As she leaned over him he looked up.

"What time is it?"

"Time?"

"You know Clara, the time? Look at your watch."

She obeyed him.

"Nine fifteen am."

His fingers shook as he worked on the centre of the device that locked the brace.

"We arrived here more than twenty four hours ago. My breathing is stable, this thing can come off."

"Are you sure?"

He saw fear in her eyes.

The Doctor had broken into a sweat as he gave his reply.

"No. Maybe this will be like _spiders _all over again, who knows."

And he found the catch, pressed it down, and the brace snapped apart.

He closed his eyes as he rested against his pillow, breathing deeply once more as the hooks buried beneath his skin finally let go.

"That's better..." he gasped.

Clara's eyes widened as she stared at the Doctor's chest, watching as blood ran from the open wounds where the device had been fixed to his flesh.

"You're bleeding!"

"Let Jace deal with it..." he drew in a deep breath again, "I can breathe now. Blood loss is minimal, just looks scary. I want to sit up."

"I don't know if you can."

"I'm _going _to sit up, Clara!" he said sharply, "_Help_ me!"

Tears stung at her eyes as she looked at a set of controls at the side of the bed.

"Please don't shout at me, its been a hard time."

"You should try being _me_ for a day!" he snapped, and her vision blurred even more as she tried not to break down and cry.

Then she found the button to raise the bed, and she pressed it, and the upper half slid upwards, easing the Doctor into a sitting position as he rested against pillows.

"What now?" she asked him.

He looked at her intently as his expression changed.

"Are you crying?"

_"No."_ She looked away.

Jace walked into the room, he saw the brace was off and the Doctor was bleeding and hurried over to his bedside and pulled a trolley close and began to set about gathering equipment together.

"You took a chance, taking that brace off," he told him.

Then he dabbed at the wounds with gauze soaked in antiseptic and pain registered on the Doctor's face.

"You took a chance putting that thing on me, Jace!" he said sharply, then he caught his breath again as the antiseptic stung deeply.

"Can I help?" Clara asked him.

"Yes," the Doctor replied, "You can get me out of here and back to the Tardis. I'm not staying here, I can't. I just need to get back to the Tardis -"

"_Doctor, you can't walk."_

Jace looked into his eyes, waiting for a response.

The anger and frustration that had been burning in the Doctor's eyes began to simmer down.

"But I'm getting stronger. I know a little about this kind of venom and what it can do – I'm through the twenty four hour danger zone, I'm stronger now."

"Can you feel your legs?"

The Doctor hesitated.

"Can you?" Jace asked again.

"_No."_

The Doctor fell silent, looking down at the small dressings Jace was taping to his chest.

"You will need small doses of anti venom injected daily for three months," Jace continued, "After that, how ever it leaves you is as good as you will ever get. Maybe you will make a full recovery, maybe not. But you need medical supervision. I don't care if you hate the idea of being stuck here, but there is no other way!"

The Doctor met his gaze, and his eyes were blazing once more.

"_I can't be stuck here!"_ he yelled.

"Please, just stop this, please...I want you to get well. You won't if you fight the people who are trying to help you, please listen, just _listen_..."

All trace of anger vanished from his eyes as he looked to Clara in surprise.

_She was crying over him?_

"Please?" she said again as her voice cracked with emotion and her eyes shone wet with tears, "Stop this, just do as you are told, for once in your life, do it for me. If I matter to you at all, please just do as you are told!"

And he stared at her.

She was looking at him, silently begging him to listen.

He paused, gathered his thoughts and then nodded.

"Fine," he said quietly, "I'll try it your way, just for you, Clara."

She sat down on the edge of his bed and blinked as tears shone wet on her face.

"Thank you," she said as her voice trembled, and as she gripped his hand he stiffened and drew away from her touch.

"I need some rest," he said, "Give me something to make me sleep. I just want to go to sleep."

Clara nodded and she reached for the box that controlled his medication.

"I know how to do this, Jace taught me."

She hit the button to release the tranquilliser, and as it ran down the tube and burned into a vein he closed his eyes and drew in a deep breath, letting it out slowly.

"Shame I can't sleep till this is over," he murmured, and then the sedative pulled him away into a dark and dreamless place as he drifted off to sleep.

Clara wiped her eyes and looked to Jace.

"Sorry about that, about him – he can be difficult at times."

"But he must be a nice bloke when you get to know him, I guessed that – otherwise you wouldn't be with him."

Clara's heart was aching so much it felt cracked disastrously, reminding her of the time she had once dropped her mobile phone in the car park on the way in to work at the school once – the glass had shattered with a thousand tiny lines snaking through the glass, and she felt sure that was what her heart looked like right now, so many cracks, so very broken...

"He is very nice," she agreed quietly, "And I love him so very much."

"Of course you do. And you can help him get through this. I can see that won't be easy, he's got a lot to come to terms with, he might have to get used to the paralysis forever, and that will be hard if that is the case, but I think he's lucky to have you, he really is."

She laughed as more tears sprung to her eyes and she quickly wiped them away.

"No one else would put up with him, believe me!"

Jace looked at her kindly.

"You look shattered, Clara. Why don't you leave your boyfriend to have a nice long sleep and go and get some rest? I can have a second bed brought in here later, but for now the room next door is empty of you want to get your head down for while. It won't do you any good to wear yourself out."

She got up, her gaze lingered on the Doctor as he slept, and then she turned away.

"Thanks," she said, "I am tired. But promise me, if anything -"

"Any problems, and you will be the first to know," Jace promised her, "Stop worrying, leave his care to me and my nursing team. Go and get some rest."

Then he walked her to the next door along the corridor, she went inside and then Jace turned back, saw a nurse approaching and instructed her to keep an eye on their alien patient, and then he walked up the corridor towards his own living quarters, because he too was in need of rest.

* * *

><p>Jace went into his office and locked the door, then he crossed the room and opened a second door that led to his living quarters.<p>

He thought about the Doctor and Clara and how that snappy ungrateful man didn't know how lucky he was to have a girl who cared so much, then Jace wondered if he was being too harsh, perhaps because today was his late wife's birthday, not that it mattered, because Maria was dead and no one here even knew he had ever been married.

But it hurt today, it hurt a lot, more than it did on most days in the concrete underground world with no sky and no sun and walls that threatened to close in on him and magnify his hopelessness...

He looked to the picture on the table next to his bed of a woman with dark hair and eyes who smiled at him all the time, the moment frozen from long ago.

He still missed her.

Some days he wanted to take out his service issue laser pistol and put it in his mouth, one squeeze and he would be where ever she had gone...

Then he thought again about the Doctor and Clara.

At least they had each other, even if the Doctor's treatment failed and he spent the rest of his life in a wheelchair. Clara loved him, she wouldn't turn her back.

As long as he had Clara, he would be fine.

Jace envied those who had love, because he knew how it felt to live on with the loss of it.

"_I miss you,"_ he whispered as he fixed his gaze on the picture of his late wife, and then as he leaned against the wall he looked down at the floor, screwed his eyes shut tight and jerked his head back as hard as he could, smashing his skull against the concrete behind him.

The pain jarred his vision and made his head swim, but as he gasped from the pain of it he guessed he had let out enough grief for one day – he could live with it at least for now, he had to, because he wasn't quite ready to put the laser pistol in his mouth and be one trigger squeeze away from finding Maria again...

The pain was throbbing and he put his hands to his temples and squeezed tightly.

"_Stop it!"_ he said under his breath, and then he drew in a slow breath, pulling himself back from the edge as he shifted away from thoughts of grief that was too much to bear, and focussed again on his new patient.

At least he still had his work, and he had saved the Doctor's life. At least the Doctor and Clara had a future, even if it would prove to be a difficult one...

His gaze shifted back to the picture of his wife.

"_One day,"_ he whispered as his heart ached deeply, _"I'll be with you again one day, Maria..."_

* * *

><p>Clara slept deeply.<p>

She slept a sleep only the exhausted could slide into, a deep and dark place where pains from aching muscles faded out as all tension left her body.

When she awoke she did so sharply, her first thought was the Doctor and then she remembered he was out of danger now and she breathed a relieved sigh. Then she rolled on to her back and looked up at the ceiling, thinking of the Doctor as he lay in his own bed resting. The wall that divided them made her heart ache, and so she got up, went through to the bathroom, showered and then dressed, and decided to return to his room, to sit with him until he woke up.

Her hair was still damp from the shower when she went back into the Doctor's room. She walked quietly over to his bedside and sat down, watching as he continued to sleep.

"You're looking so much better," she whispered, "But this is going to take time, please try and understand that. I know you hate being still, I know you hate being out of control and this situation is hard for you. But I'm trying, and I'll keep on trying because I -"

He was stirring.

The words _Love you_ remained unsaid as he opened his eyes and looked up at her.

"Clara," he said, "I need to talk to you."

And he raised his hand from the bed, and she took it, he held her hand gently and it surprised her that the man who was definitely not a lover of big shows of affection suddenly wanted her hand in his grip.

"Don't worry," she said gently,"No matter what happens, I'm here. I can look after you."

He gave a sigh.

"No, Clara – I don't want that, it wouldn't be fair on you."

"Why not?"

"Because you're a teacher, not a nurse."

She smiled on hearing that remark.

"I can learn to look after you – if you can accept the fact that you're going to need help."

But the Doctor did not smile.

"I really hope it doesn't come to that, Clara. You have to remember I'm a Time Lord, I could live a very long time like this with no improvement and it would not be fair of me to expect you to look after me for the rest of your days. You deserve more than that. Stop being so romantic and start being practical. It wouldn't work."

Hurt registered in her eyes.

"I don't understand why you are talking like this! You know the facts – you could be paralysed forever, you may never recover, and you need someone to help you!"

"And that person should not be you because it wouldn't be fair."

She frowned as she tried to make sense of his words.

"It sounds to me like you're saying it wouldn't be fair on you, and I don't get that part."

"I didn't say _me_, I said _you_!" he snapped.

Clara stared at him as she caught the look of desperation in his eyes, and then she let go of his hand.

"No, this _is_ about you! I get it now, you don't want me_ that _close to you, do you?"

The Doctor stared back at her and for a moment, looked caught out. And then the expression in his eyes changed and his voice became calm as he looked into her eyes and took hold of her hand once again.

"Clara," he said, "The lower half of my body is paralysed. This changes everything. I may be stuck like this for the rest of my life in this regeneration – and that could be many times the length of your human lifespan. It wouldn't be right for me to expect you to waste your life until the day you die looking after me! Besides, you once said I was your hero. Leave now while you still remember me that way, I'd rather you did that than stay and play nurse and end up regretting it. _You don't need to look after me, you just need to find yourself another hero._"

And he let go of her hand.

Clara's eyes widened as she stared at him in disbelief:

_The Doctor was telling her to go?_

"You don't mean that."

"Yes I do," he said, "I do mean it, Clara. I want you to go back to the Tardis and turn a key that is set in the console. The Tardis will take you home and then it will return here. I always had that plan in place, just in case it all ended one day. That day has arrived."

He tightened his grip on her hand and pulled her close, it was a sudden movement that made her gasp as he put his arm around her for a brief moment and then sharply let her go.

"_Bye," _he whispered, _"Just leave me, please. Go, Clara."_

The Doctor had just embraced her, she was stunned by his actions because ever since he had changed he had made it clear he was not the kind of man to show his feelings too greatly, he had frozen when she had wrapped her arms around him...but this time, he had pulled her close to him for a brief time and then let go again. He meant it, this _was_ the end...

"I said, _go_." he repeated, and he looked away from her.

Clara turned away and left the room, she blinked away tears as she headed for the corridor where the Tardis stood. She wanted to turn back, because leaving felt like the worst decision she could ever make...but he had made it clear, he wanted her to leave...

* * *

><p>Now he was alone, the Doctor leaned back against soft pillows and felt an ache in his twin hearts as he thought of Clara leaving his life.<p>

_It was the very last thing he had ever wanted to do._

_Now he had said it, he regretted it._

_But he felt sure if he had not said it, he would have regretted watching her slowly lose her great admiration for him._

_Of course this was about him, it was about his pride._

He knew she had been right, and he wanted to weep for the loss of her, and the feel of her in his arms was something he was sure he would carry with him forever, but that had to be better than making her stay, becoming no more than his nurse, until the day came when she found herself a new hero.

That was what he wanted to avoid, because he knew how he felt about his Impossible Girl, and it was better it ended this way now – at least, better for _him_...

As he lay there alone tears ran down his face as he waited to hear the sound of the Tardis taking off without him, and as he waited he felt certain it was the only time in his long, long life that he would dread to hear that sound – because he knew when he did, she would be leaving his life forever...


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Clara pushed open the door of the Tardis and went inside.

Her heart was pounding, her hands were shaking, she saw a blurred view of the room lit with glowing lights as she blinked and tried to clear her vision and as she sobbed, the sound echoed about the vast console room.

_He had said to turn the key._

She looked at the many controls.

_She couldn't find the key._

_She didn't want to find the key._

And then she saw the key, silver and set into a small panel, surrounded by other larger dials and levers on the control system.

She looked at that key and thought about what turning it would mean:

It would mean leaving him here, beneath the surface of a frozen planet, in a room with blank walls far underground, alone with no one to care for him, at least no one who meant anything to him...

_Would he die there? _

_Or would he turn up one day on Earth, recovered and offering her a ride in his Tardis again, expecting to pick up where they left off before, with all that had happened here glossed over and never spoken of again?_

_Or maybe, worst of all, she would never know the outcome because he might never return..._

She stood there for a moment looking at that key, and then she turned away and went off down the Tardis corridor towards her room, because she needed time to think.

* * *

><p>The Doctor had rested for a while and then grown weary as the medication sent him back to sleep, and still he had not heard the sound of the departing Tardis.<p>

When he was woken by the door opening and Jace entering the room, his first thought was Clara, but then Jace said he needed to discuss his condition with him, and for a brief time as he concentrated on all Jace had to say, his pain on missing Clara was bearable.

"I ran some tests based on your scan results after the initial treatment when you came in," Jace told him, "And the meds we gave you after the cardiac arrest worked just fine. There's no trace of damage to either of your hearts. And based on the fact that your upper body is recovering well I am cautiously optimistic that the anti venom injections _might_ prove effective in reversing some of the lingering paralysis in your lower body. So in other words, so far so good."

The Doctor was looking down at the bed sheets, avoiding his gaze.

"_What ever, Jace. I really don't care any more."_

"But this is all encouraging news!" Jace told him, "You stand a good chance of making a recovery I can't say it will be a full one but who knows, it could be?"

"Just get on with what ever you have to do to me," the Doctor replied quietly. His heart was aching and he felt hollow inside as he thought of the prospect of months of treatment that may or may not work, and going through it alone with out Clara, because he had sent her away...

Jace was preparing a syringe.

"Turn on your side for me, I had a small port fitted in the middle of your back – it opens up for the needle and draws the anti venom in to fight the toxin concentrated in the spine. This is a very low dose and you will need this every day. You won't feel a thing, at least not while the paralysis lingers. As it wears off these injections will be painful, but that's good news, because it will mean we are winning and the venom is losing."

The Doctor turned on his side, his thoughts still on missing Clara Oswald.

"Just get on with it."

"I'm going to give you a sedative dose after the injection, just to be sure you lie still for a while, these shots can cause nasty headaches and lying down can help reduce that side effect."

The Doctor gave a sigh.

"Just stick the needle in and get it over with, I wanted to go back to sleep any way."

Jace folded the covers back and the needle point made contact with the port, and it slid open. He slipped the needle inside and injected the liquid quickly, but the Doctor felt nothing. He drew the needle out and the small port sealed up once more.

"Now lay flat on your back," Jace said, and the Doctor rolled over, struggled as his paralysed legs refused to move, and then Jace got him comfortable, settling him on his back and smoothing down the covers.

"I've added something stronger to help you sleep for a while," he said as he pushed a button. The sedative burned as it slid into his blood stream but the Doctor was grateful for life to be blacked out, at least while he slept the meds would kill the surge to dream, and when he woke, he knew he would be missing Clara terribly, so sleep was welcome, even if the drugs were painful.

"Thank you," he said quietly, and he closed his eyes and gave a sigh, thankful for a brief time spent in the oblivion of a drugged sleep.

* * *

><p>In her bedroom in the Tardis, Clara had changed her clothes. She stood in front of a full length mirror and saw herself reflected in a short dark skirt and a white blouse, her shoes were low heeled and sensible, and she had brushed her rich brown hair and put on fresh make up.<p>

_Now she was ready._

As she had dressed, she had spent time thinking, and she was still thinking on the Doctor's wish for her to leave.

It _was_ about him, she knew that.

And he wasn't doing himself any favours by trying to drive away the one person who cared about him...

She had thought long and hard about that key and the consequences of turning it, and now her mind was made up.

There was nothing left to cry about or panic over, she had made her decision, and it was the only choice left to make, because there only ever could have been one choice for her in this situation...

She paused by the mirror, ran her fingers through her hair, turned her head left and right and checked her make up. Then she looked into her own eyes and saw a very different expression there now the sadness and the pain of goodbye was gone.

Then Clara turned away from the mirror, left her bedroom, walked down the long corridor and returned to the console room.

As she stood there looking at the controls her gaze fell once again on the silver key. She reached for it carefully and drew it out of its slot, and put it into her pocket.

Then she looked upwards, addressing the Tardis:  
><em>"He won't get rid of me that easily," <em>she said as her voice echoed in the hollow vastness of the room, _"I've already made up my mind to stay, I'm not leaving him. He needs me."_

And then she turned from the console and walked away, leaving the Tardis and stepping out into the bleak corridor. She paused to draw in a deep breath, and then she smiled as confidence shone in her eyes:

_Her choice was made now._

_Whether he liked it or not, she was here to stay._

Clara began to walk back up the corridor, knowing this route would eventually lead to the Doctor's room, and when she saw him, she didn't care how angry he was that she had failed to comply with his wishes – her mind was made up, and not even a Time Lord could change it now...

* * *

><p>The Doctor was sleeping when she returned to his room.<p>

Jace was checking the equipment that surrounded his bed, and she noticed there seemed to be less of it now. Jace glanced around and smiled on seeing her enter the room, then he began to speak softly, taking care not to wake the Doctor.

"I do have some good news, the meds we gave him after the cardiac arrest worked. He has no damage to his twin hearts."

"Good," she replied, sitting at the Doctor's bedside.

"And he had his first injection a couple of hours ago, it was painless because he's still numb, but it seems to be working well so far. I gave him some sedation to help him sleep through the first few hours to minimise the chance of headaches – I've upped his pain relief just in case, and he's also on anti sickness medication to counteract any side effects." And he glanced at the Doctor, his lean but toned upper body exposed as he lay sleeping, "And he has to start eating today. He's in good shape for his age but he's not exactly a heavy bloke and he can't afford to lose any weight, not if he wants to recover quickly."

"I'll make sure he eats."

Her tone of voice was confident. Clara had lost all of her nervousness and fear as if it had suddenly evaporated.

Jace looked at her in surprise.

"You sound optimistic today!"

She smiled.

"Its the only way to be." she replied.

Then she noticed the Doctor's skin was glistening as he began to sweat lightly.

"Does he have a fever?"

"No, its just the introduction of the new meds, making him sweat a bit. It's nothing to worry about. You could always sponge him down with some cold water to make him more comfortable."

She got up and looked to the bowl of water and the sponge and a small towel folded beside it on the table next to the bed.

"Yes I'll do that for him," she replied.

"If you need me just -"

"Hit the call button, I know," Clara replied, "You go and get some work done Jace, I'll be fine."

And she smiled again, and Jace left the room still feeling mildly surprised to see such a change in Clara.

* * *

><p>As she stood over the Doctor's bed Clara hesitated, remembering what the Doctor had said about how she was a teacher not a nurse. Then she placed the sponge in the water, drew it out and gave it a squeeze, leaving it damp, and she sat down on the edge of the Doctor's bed.<p>

"You're right," she said softly as she gently bathed sweat from his skin, "I'm not a nurse. But I'm going to learn so I can take care of you. And I won't take any more of you telling me to leave, because I can't. I promised myself I would stay with you and that is what will happen. So I don't want any more arguments when you wake up."

She brushed the sponge across his chest and he gave a murmur in his sleep, and then she noticed she had brushed against his nipples and her face turned scarlet.

"_Don't think about it..."_ she whispered to herself, noticing the flicker of a smile about his lips as he continued to sleep, _"He's ill, stop...just stop that, stop admiring his body!"_

Then she put the sponge back in the water and picked up the soft towel and gently patted his skin dry. She thought about turning the sheets lower down and bathing the rest of him, but he didn't know she was back yet and if he woke up while she was - no, Clara reluctantly cancelled that thought, and she folded the towel, put it back on the table and then turned the sheets up to the Doctor's chest.

"Does that feel better?" she asked softly.

He drew in a slow breath and his lips parted.

"Yes, thank you, nurse..." he murmured.

"_Thank you Nurse Clara," _she added.

He snapped his eyes open on recognising her voice and stared at her.

She was still leaning over him, and she smiled as warmth shone from her eyes.

"I'm still here, Doctor. I'm not leaving."

The Doctor was still looking up at her, and he felt caught between crying and yelling at her, but instead relief cancelled out both of those ideas.

"You didn't leave."

"No."

The look in his eyes softened.

"Thanks."

She smiled.

"You're welcome," she replied, and she sat down on a chair next to his bed.

The Doctor reached for the controls set at the side of the bed and hit a button and the bed raised to a sitting position. The drugs had sent him into a deep sleep for what had felt like a long time, but now Clara was back, he felt wide awake – and more grateful than he felt able to voice aloud.

"I'm sorry about what I said before. I didn't mean it, I'm just not in a good place right now. I feel like giving up. Maybe I should, I don't have much to hope for."

He had spoken honestly, now he was hiding nothing from her and she sensed that her return had some how caused that wall he had put up between them to come tumbling down, she saw nothing but openness and honesty in his eyes as he looked at her.

"No," she replied, "You have a lot to look forward to. And you mustn't give up."

"But I think I already have."

"Then I'll fight for you," she told him, "I'll keep you going until you find the will to keep fighting. That's what I'm here for," And she smiled, "That's me, the Impossible Girl. I'll never give up on you, Doctor."

He looked at her intently for a moment.

"_Why?"_

Her eyes widened as she struggled for an answer. There was no way out of this question, because he had dropped the barriers now and if she put up a new one, it would most likely stand forever between them.

She had never needed courage more than she did at that moment, and as she looked into his eyes, she knew he could already read the reply silently there in her eyes as his expression softened.

"Clara?" he said again, "Why? Tell me why, I need to hear you say it."

Then she realised he had taken hold of her hand, he held it gently as he kept his gaze fixed on her.

"Come on, just tell me. _Say it_."

And so she did.

"_I love you."_

Those words had not been spoken in the way she had ever imagined she might say them – Clara had often thought that perhaps she would whisper it for the first time as the two of them embraced in the Tardis, standing in the console room as they watched the universe pass by, or perhaps while she was in his arms and they rolled in the sand on some beautiful alien beach – the one about the alien beach being one of her more daring fantasies – but she had never imagined it would have been said like this, whispered quickly as she looked into his eyes, afraid of his response as she sat at his bedside and he lay there fighting a venom that had left him paralysed...

The Doctor had heard her, and no surprise registered in his eyes.

"The feeling is mutual," he said quietly, "And now is not the best time to discuss it. Maybe later, when I'm well enough to leave."

And suddenly she saw something in his eyes that had long been absent:

_A spark of hope..._

She started to smile.

"So all that stuff you said about not liking hugs, that was to keep me at arms length?"

"Partly," he agreed, "But I meant what I said, I'm quite reserved, I'm not one to go for big shows of emotion."

"But you'll make an exception for me."

"Steady on, I'm not out of this bed yet!"

And then he smiled and so did she.

"So you do feel the same as me?" Clara asked again.

The Doctor leaned back against the pillows and closed his eyes.

"Yes, now stop repeating yourself, Clara. Let me get some more rest. I seem to feel stronger each time I wake up. But now isn't the time to talk about us. That can wait until I've had a few more of these anti venom shots, then we can leave in the Tardis, and I might even be slightly happier just to be home again. Think about that, I won't be complaining any more!"

"I can't wait!" she said, and laughed softly, "I much prefer you like this – when you're not miserable."

He opened his eyes again and looked at her.

"_I've lied to you, Clara."_

"What?"

The Doctor drew in a deep breath, and then he made a confession:

"All those times you asked me how you looked, and if I liked your outfit, all that stuff – I _did_ notice, I just pretended not to. I did it because I was afraid to get close. I'd just changed into this new person, I barely knew myself and I didn't know how I would treat you or if I could be good enough for you. That's why I asked you if I was a good man or a bad one."

Her eyes widened in surprise.

"And I told you, I think you try to be a good man!"

"I know, and I needed to hear that. I needed to hear it from you."

"So you always felt the same as me, you just didn't say so?"

"Guilty as charged," he replied, and then he gave her hand a squeeze.

"I'm going back to sleep now. Keep holding my hand because I like that. I want you to be here when I wake up. But don't go overboard about it, let go and get up to use the bathroom if you need to, I'd hate to wake up and find you've wet yourself because you followed my instructions too keenly."

She laughed.

"I'll go if I need to, Doctor – we're not locked together!"

He arched a greying eyebrow and for the first time since he had fallen ill, she saw a sparkle in his eyes.

"Who knows, maybe some day soon – when this paralysis wears off...I can think of plenty of ways you and me _could_ be locked together. _The Tardis library has a copy of the Gallifreyan Karma Sutra and I've read it six times..._"

Then he saw the look of surprise on her face and he winked as he gave her hand another squeeze.

"Let me sleep now," he said, sounding tired all of a sudden."We'll talk later."

And he breathed slowly and wearily, and slowly drifted back into a restful sleep.

Clara watched him as he slept, and then she smiled, raising his hand to her lips and softly kissing the back of it as he continued to sleep on.

She had not expected the Doctor to react so warmly to her confession, but after hearing his own admissions, she knew they had turned a corner – and in more ways than one, it seemed he was determined now, and had started to fight once more, at last his mind was made up:

_He was going to get over this and get on with his life, and he was going to do it with his Impossible Girl at his side..._


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Jace Earl was alone in his office.

He was at his desk, and as he turned to monitors on the wall, he watched as his staff went about their daily routines.

Then he turned to the camera that watched the Doctor's room:

The Doctor was resting and Clara was at his beside, stroking the back of his hand as she spoke to him softly. Then she leaned over him and kissed his cheek. The Doctor smiled and stirred, but carried on sleeping.

Jace turned back to his desk and thought about love and how much it hurt that the woman he loved was gone from his life.

_Jace had been married to Maria for almost twenty years. _

_He had never imagined a day would come when they would be parted forever._

_They had planned it all out so carefully, for him to leave the army and for the both of them to buy some land and grow some crops together. It was supposed to be the peaceful life they had always dreamed of, far from cities and the rush of daily life, like a step back in time to the days of their Earth ancestors..._

He opened up a cupboard beneath his desk, took out a bottle of whiskey and a glass and poured himself a shot and then put the bottle away again.

The door was locked and the glass would be easy to hide if anyone knocked.

He was not supposed to drink on duty, but today was quiet and the ache in his heart was still paining him as he thought of the future he should have had, one look around this bleak place was enough to remind him that he had no future to look forward to now...

He had heard that some who took up postings beneath the surface of this planet went mad after a while because of the lack of sunlight, but it had yet to affect him in that way.

_Then he wondered about the Doctor's ship. _

He had walked past it, seen the blue box and wondered how anyone could travel in something so small. But it was still a ship capable of flight, and as he wondered if his hopelessness might lift he deserted his post and left with the Doctor and Clara, a plan began to form in his mind:

_The Doctor was keen to leave, but he still needed medical supervision._

_While it was true that Clara was keen to take over the Doctor's care, he still needed someone medically trained to attend to him, at least for a while..._

_He wondered, would the Doctor let him travel with them?_

_It would be a way for him to get off this planet, perhaps they could take him far from here, where no one would ever know he had deserted his post, a post that now felt more like a fifteen year prison sentence..._

_Maybe he could find some land and get that farm that he and Maria had dreamed of buying together. They would not be together, but at least he could carry on her dream..._

The idea gave him something to hope for, and the pain in his heart became more bearable as he drank the whiskey and thought on the possibility of changing his life in a way that would give him something to live for again.

He was decided now, next time he went in to check on the Doctor, he would ask him for a favour...

* * *

><p>After resting, the Doctor had dinner and then asked for coffee, and when the nurse told him there was no coffee, the look of disappointment on his face made Clara smile – he was definitely on the road to recovery now...<p>

"The Tardis has plenty of coffee," she reminded him, "I'll go and make a flask."

"Thanks Clara," he replied, and as their eyes met she wanted to lean closer and kiss him, but she did not, because he had said, _that _had to wait, they could talk about it later, when he was well enough to leave.

"I won't be long," she promised, and then she left the room and went up the corridor heading for the Tardis.

* * *

><p>"<em>Clara?"<em>

The Tardis was in plain sight at the end of the corridor when Jace called to her and she stopped and turned back, waiting for him to catch up with her.

He was in a hurry and as he joined her and spotted the look in her eyes, he quickly dispelled her fears.

"The Doctor is fine! I just wanted a word with you about your ship."

"My ship?"

She turned back and carried on walking, and Jace walked alongside her.

"Yeah, your Tardis, the Doctor's ship. I need to ask him something, but its a bit difficult. I was wondering if I could speak to you about it first."

They had reached the door of the Tardis.

"Okay," Clara said, and she went inside and Jace followed.

She walked to the centre of the console room, smiling as she heard his footsteps come to a sharp stop.

She looked back.

Jace was looking around in amazement, then he went outside and came back in again.

"It's bigger on the inside!"

"Yes," she replied, "I know."

And then she headed off down a corridor.

"Wait up!" he called, and then he hurried to catch up with her once more.

As she entered the Tardis kitchen he followed her inside.

She walked across the white tiled floor, opened up a cupboard, took out a jar of coffee and set it down on the kitchen work top, and then she switched the kettle on.

"Your ship is much bigger on the inside."

"Yes!" she said again, and she took a flask from another cupboard, set it down and turned back to Jace.

He was staring at her.

"_How_ can it be bigger on the inside?"

"It just is, its the Doctor's ship. It travels through time and space."

That look was back, that look she had seen in his eyes the first time they had met, he was looking at her intensely, his stare almost burning through her.

"_This is a time machine?"_

"Yes," she said again, "What of it?"

And many thoughts ran through the mind of Jace Earl, thoughts about the past and his dead wife and how a time machine could make all the difference he needed – but he kept those thoughts silent, voicing aloud the only facts he needed to share for now:

"This is difficult – I can't talk about it back at the complex, its too risky. Clara, the Doctor is improving. I'm hoping to get him out of bed very soon. When he is a little bit stronger, I want to leave with you both in the Tardis. Two reasons...hear me out, I see the look on your face and I _know_ you have your doubts, but -"

"It won't be up to me!" she said in surprise.

"I know that, but if you could have a quiet discreet word with the Doctor – maybe in the bathroom, the CCTV in his room doesn't reach that far – please, just ask him if I can come with you both.. He's going to need medical supervision. And I want to desert my post. I chose this place because I'd lost my wife, I know now I made a mistake – I _don't_ want to spend the next fifteen years trapped down here beneath the surface of a frozen planet! I just want to be somewhere else, where I can see the sky again!"

Clara looked at him in silence for a moment, and then the kettle reached boiling point.

"I...I don't know what to say," she replied, and she turned back to the kettle and switched it off and set about the task of making the Doctor's coffee.

"I just want you to ask him. I wouldn't be around for long, just until he doesn't need the treatment any more. I was thinking maybe you could take me to Earth, back in the past. I could buy a farm and do all the things my late wife Maria wanted to do – please, just promise me you will ask him."

Clara closed the lid on the flask and turned back to Jace.

"I'll ask him, but I can't promise he will agree."

"But I saved his life!" he exclaimed, "Doesn't that mean anything?"

"I would imagine it means a great deal to him - I know it does to me, but I can't promise you anything until I speak to the Doctor. I'll ask him, okay?"

Jace nodded.

"Thanks," he said.

Clara took the flask and headed for the door.

"Come on," she said, "You can't hang around in here."

And Jace followed her out, as they headed for the door he looked around again, taking in the sight of the vast inner space hidden by the exterior of the small blue box as he thought about it again:

_The Tardis was a time machine._

_A time machine could indeed change everything..._

Jace walked off in the direction of his office, and Clara returned to the Doctor's room.

* * *

><p>As she walked in she looked in alarm at his empty bed, Clara's heart began to race as she imagined the worst:<p>

The machines were switched off and the covers were folded back.

Had he suffered a relapse while she was gone?

Maybe he was in the emergency room, maybe -

"_Clara."_

The sound of his voice instantly banished her fears.

She tuned around and saw him, the Doctor had just come into the room.

He looked at her and as he asked a question, he sounded nervous.

"What do you think?"

Her heart ached for him.

The Doctor was dressed in his dark suit and he looked absolutely fine – except that he was in a wheelchair...

She walked over to him and ran her hand over the padded black leather arm rest.

"Very chic," she replied, forcing a smile.

"And it's top of the range," he added, showing her a control panel, "And I can get about in this thing easily."

"_And I think I should take you to the bathroom,"_ she added.

The Doctor looked up at her in surprise.

"Clara, I _don't _want to go into great detail about how the anti venom is working, because we have much to discuss _later_ regarding romantic matters, and the fact that I can now feel enough to pee without a tube inserted into my body shouldn't even come into the conversation! No, I do _not_ need help with the bathroom, thanks!"

She went over to the table and set the flask of coffee down and then returned to the Doctor's side and glanced discreetly to the security camera on the wall, and then she looked back to the Doctor.

"_I just want to take you to the bathroom,"_ she said again.

And this time he understood.

"Maybe you should, then," he replied and he pressed a button on the chair and drove it silently into the bathroom, and Clara followed and closed the door.

* * *

><p>Now they were away from the CCTV he looked at her intently.<p>

"What's this about?"

Clara lowered her voice to a whisper.

"I had to get you alone -"

"Oh Clara," he said wearily, "Clara, Clara, _how_ many times do I have to say this – we will have time to be alone later, when I'm well enough to leave! And I hate to disappoint you but as much as I'm improving, I'm not well enough to _rise_ to your expectations yet! You'll have take a cold shower, sorry!"

"You think I got you in here to – _no_! This is about _Jace_!"

He blinked.

"What about him?"

"He wants out," she whispered, "He asked me to ask you if he can leave with us in the Tardis. He wants to desert his post, he said he only took this job because he lost his wife and he wanted to block everything out. Now he's changed his mind and he doesn't want to spend the next fifteen years stuck down here!"

The Doctor gave a sigh.

"I'm not too keen on soldiers."

"He's a medic, not just any medic, he's also the man who saved your life!"

"And you want me to encourage him to desert his post?"

"Its what he wants to do! Can we help him? He said you'll need medical supervision for some time yet, and he can help you on board the Tardis. This could mean you getting out of here quickly."

The Doctor looked at her thoughtfully.

"Okay," he said, "Purely because I want leave, he can come with us. And I want to leave asap, I've been told I'm out of danger now. The injections are daily and he can administer them on the Tardis, I don't need to stay here any longer."

"So you'll tell him he can come with us?"

The Doctor nodded.

"It's the least I can do," he replied, "He did save my life." And as she opened the door and stepped aside, the Doctor left the bathroom and she followed and he drove the chair over to his bedside, where he saw the flask and then smiled warmly at Clara.

"Coffee," he said fondly, "Probably the best medicine I've had since I've been stuck in this place! Thank you, beautiful."

She started to smile.

"Did you just call me beautiful?"

He poured the coffee, paused to savour the aroma and then took a sip.

"You don't like it? Okay then, I'll call you _wide face_ or_ big eyes_, would that make you happier?"

And her eyes sparkled with a combination of amusement and slight annoyance at being teased.

"Sorry," he said playfully, "My body's just a filter. Coffee goes in, sarcasm comes out. Right, I need to speak with Jace. Go and find him."

She looked at the Doctor, smiled as he exchanged a fond glance with her, and then she walked off in search of Jace.

Now he was alone the Doctor drank more of the coffee and then set it down on the table, leaned back in his chair and watched thoughtfully as the steam rose from the cup:

_Clara didn't seem at all put off by the fact that he was in a wheelchair._

_She still looked at him with love in her eyes and had lost none of her admiration for him._

_That mattered, even though he didn't want to voice it aloud._

That thought made the Doctor smile.

_Yes, he was still her hero..._

* * *

><p>Clara found Jace in his office.<p>

As soon as she walked in he jumped up from his seat and hurried over to her.

"The Doctor needs to see you," she told him.

"Is this a positive meeting?" he asked quietly, being mindful of the CCTV installed in every room.

"I think so, he seemed okay with your idea -"

"Did you learn to whisper in a helicopter filled with buzzing chainsaws?" he hissed, glancing nervously to the camera.

Then Clara saw it too and lowered her voice.

"Sorry, I didn't notice that one. Yes, the Doctor wants to see you right away."

"Thanks," he said, and then he hurried out of the room, and down the corridor, and Clara ran to catch up with him.

* * *

><p>"You <em>might<em> want to slow down -"

Clara's words went unnoticed as Jace entered the Doctor's room and she followed.

The Doctor turned his chair around and set down the remainder of his coffee.

"Jace, I do believe I shall be ready to leave this place soon?"

And Jace smiled.

"That's right, Doctor. But I'll have to pack some equipment to take with you – you're going to need meds, pain relief, and I'll have to show Clara how to administer your injections. It's going to take a while to get everything organised, I can discharge you tomorrow morning..._tomorrow_, Doctor?"

The Doctor read the look in his eyes and nodded.

"Tomorrow can't be soon enough for us," he agreed, "I'll see you then."

Jace nodded.

Then he went over to the Doctor, leaning close to his ear as he pretended to make him more comfortable in his chair.

"_Thanks,"_ he whispered.

"_No problem,"_ the Doctor said in a low voice, and then Jace left the room and closed the door behind him.

Clara looked at the Doctor and smiled.

"You're doing the right thing," she told him.

As she stepped closer he took hold of her hand, kissed the back of it and looked up at her, smiling to see the look of surprise on her face.

"Of course I am," he told her, "Like you said, Clara, I_ try_ to be a good man."

* * *

><p>Jace Earl was breaking into a cold sweat as he walked down the corridor and made his way back to his office.<p>

His emotions swirled between gratitude and guilt as he thought of the Doctor and Clara:

_He liked them both._

_He didn't want to deceive either of them._

_The Doctor had put up one hell of a fight after being poisoned by the venom, and clearly he had a lot to live for, because the love between him and Clara was plain to see._

Knowing this made his guilt weigh heavier as he thought of his plans:

_Finding out the Tardis was a time machine had changed everything._

_He had started out just wanting to get away from this bleak and sunless underground prison, but now his ambitions had soared._

_The Tardis was a time machine._

_A time machine could change everything._

_A time machine could take him back to Maria and save her life._

_And the Doctor would help him to do that, and the order would not be negotiable – Jace would make sure of that, because along with the meds and other equipment he was transferring to the Tardis, he was also taking along something the Doctor and Clara would know nothing about until he needed to use it:_

_Jace was taking his laser pistol along for the ride..._


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

It was difficult for Clara to distinguish between day and night, below ground in the facility. Jace had kept his promise and had a second bed brought into the Doctor's room, but as she lay on it and watched him suffering a restless night she had found being so close frustrating, because earlier she had asked if he wanted her beside him when she had helped him undress for bed, but he had told her no, because his back was hurting and he was expecting a restless night.

_The Doctor had not been wrong._

According to her watch, Clara had woken at just after five am, and as she watched him turning and groaning and then sliding back into sleep again, she ached to hold him in her arms, even though she knew doing that would have been of no use to him – clearly, the anti venom was working, and faster than Jace had first predicted...

It was difficult seeing him in such discomfort, but she remembered that he had said that pain was a good sign, that it meant the damage caused by the venom was being reversed, and knowing that brought her solace – but it still pained her to watch the one she loved struggling...

* * *

><p>At seven am, Clara turned on the lights and went over to his bed.<p>

"Doctor," she said softly, and he gave a sigh and opened his eyes.

"No, before you ask," he said wearily, "I did _not_ sleep well. I'm starting to miss that machine that fed me analgesia – my back hurts, I'm getting pains shooting down my legs too."

"You can feel your legs?" she said hopefully.

The Doctor reached for the button on the side of the bed and pressed it, raising him into a sitting position.

"No," he told her, "All I feel is shooting pain that comes and goes. It was bad last night – or maybe I was dreaming and it seemed worse than it really was."

Then he fell silent and as he looked into her eyes, she saw a flicker of fear in the Doctor's gaze.

"_Clara,"_ he said, _"I'm in two minds about this anti venom treatment."_

And he waited for her response, dreading the predicted look of shock that he expected to see in her eyes and sure enough, he didn't have to wait long.

"You can't give up!" she exclaimed, and then she sat down on the edge of his bed and looked at him anxiously, and he felt bad for making her feel so worried.

"Sorry Clara, but you're not me. You don't know how this is starting to affect me."

"If you don't continue with the spinal injections, you won't get better!"

The Doctor took hold of her hand.

"Please try and understand," he said, "The pain I felt that came and went all night was just the beginning. It goes bone-deep, it's unbearable. I'm not sure I can endure much more of that. Jace will have to up my pain relief to ridiculously high levels if I'm to continue with this. And that could be dangerous. Would it be so bad if I stayed in the wheelchair?"

"Of course not!" she said to him, "I wouldn't change my mind about how I feel about you! I just think you shouldn't give up so easily."

"I'm not giving up, Clara, I'm just saying, I'm not sure I can see the whole course of this treatment through. You need to understand that."

She looked into his eyes.

"I will understand any decision you make, " she promised him, "But I won't let you give up easily!"

He saw determination in her eyes and then he smiled, feeling sure she would never know how much strength she was lending him at a time when he had very little of his own left.

"And that is one of the many reasons why I love you," he told her.

She thought about kissing him, but the door opened and Jace walked in.

"I've taken supplies to the Tardis," he said, "Your anti venom shots, pain relief -"

"I'm going to need a lot of that. I was in agony last night."

Jace looked surprised.

"Deep pain?"

"Deep enough!"

Jace paused, making a quick calculation in his head.

"I was estimating a three month recovery period, but that was based on a human patient reacting to the anti venom. I'm guessing your progress is much faster. Do you have any movement or sensation in your legs?"

"No," the Doctor let go of Clara's hand as he looked to Jace, "All I felt in my legs was shooting pain. And I _don't _want to feel it again."

The Doctor looked at him intently.

"I mean it, Jace. I'm not prepared to go through that level of pain any more. I need effective analgesia or I'm giving up on the treatment."

"You can't!" Jace said in alarm, "If you give up now you will _never_ walk again, do you understand?"

"Yes, I get that part, that's why I'm telling you to keep me free of pain!"

"I'll try." Jace promised him, "But you have to understand this _will_ get worse before it gets better."

"When am I having the next shot?" the Doctor asked.

Jace walked over to the bed and showed him a loaded syringe.

"I was going to have Clara give you the shot now, before the Tardis departs?"

The Doctor looked to Clara doubtfully.

"Don't hurt me," he said quietly.

"I'll try not to," she promised as worry clouded her eyes and she hoped Jace was as good a teacher as he was a medic...

* * *

><p>Moments later the Doctor was face down on the bed, the sheets folded down to his hips as Clara cautiously held the needle close to the tiny metallic port set in the middle of the Doctor's spine.<p>

"Just lower it down slowly," Jace told her, "The sensor will pick it up and the port will open._ And stop shaking_."

"I can't!" Clara said nervously as her hand trembled as she drew the needle closer.

The Doctor's head was turned to the side and he raised it and glanced around at her.

"I agree with Jace._ Stop_ shaking."

"You keep still!" Jace said sharply.

"_Don't_ tell me to keep still," the Doctor snapped back,"I'm telling her _not _to sever my spinal cord!"

And Clara gave a gasp and froze, her eyes wide with fear as the tiny port slid open.

"I can't do this.." she said nervously as the sharp tip of the hollow needle shone under the bright lights, "I can't stick this in him, Jace...Doctor, I can't do this.."

"You won't hurt him, the port will grab the needle and keep it stable. And Doctor, _not_ another word! You don't understand how this brand of cybernetics works!"

The Doctor rested against the pillow again, taking in an uneasy breath.

"I know I'm worried about an amateur -"

"Oh thanks a lot, I thought you had faith in me, I'm on _your_ side!"

Clara sounded hurt by his words.

"Sorry," he said, "Just get on with it, he said you can't harm me, just stick the needle into the port."

"Everyone just be quiet," Jace said carefully, "Doctor, relax. Clara, put the needle into the port. It has a coating inside it, you can't harm him by inserting the needle."

She cast him a nervous glance.

"You're sure?"

He nodded.

"Go on, slide the needle inside."

Her hand trembled again, and as she slid the needle into the port, she held her breath.

"Okay, Doctor?" Jace asked.

The Doctor remained still as he replied.

"I can't feel a thing."

Relief shone in Clara's eyes as she exhaled.

"Thank God!" she said.

Jace smiled on seeing all her fears evaporate.

"You're doing fine, Clara. Now inject him."

She carefully injected the anti venom, and then drew out the needle.

"Doctor?" she said anxiously, and he gave a sigh and smiled.

"I didn't feel anything," he promised her, "I'm okay."

Clara's face lit up in a radiant smile and confidence shone in her eyes.

"Maybe I am good at this after all, I just needed the right teacher!"

Jace smiled back at her as he took away the used syringe and disposed of it.

"Thanks," he said, "I try my best."

"Clara, help me turn over."

On hearing the Doctor's request, she put her arm around him, helping him to turn on to his back, and then she folded the covers neatly down to his waist.

"Are you sure you feel okay?"

He smiled up at her.

"I felt nothing, I promise."

And he caught her hand and brought it to his lips again and briefly kissed it.

"You should have more confidence, beautiful. I wouldn't have let you near me with that needle if I didn't think you could do it!"

Jace glanced to Clara.

"The Doctor needs to rest for an hour, then I think he'll be ready to leave."

Clara smiled and the Doctor squeezed her hand.

"That's what I've been waiting for!" he said.

"I'll go back to the Tardis and start moving the supplies," Clara said to Jace, "Where did you leave the meds and the equipment, in the console room?"

"Well I didn't think you'd appreciate it cluttering up the kitchen."

"Where do I move them to?" she wondered.

The Doctor let go of her hand.

"Just take everything down the corridor, second door on the right – there's a lab in there. I expect the Tardis has everything set up ready for me."

Jace looked to him with interest.

"Your ship can anticipate your needs?"

"Something like that," the Doctor replied.

"I'll be back soon," Clara promised him.

The Doctor was resting and showing no sign of discomfort, and she found that knowledge reassuring, and guessed that for the first time since he had fallen ill, for once, she would not be afraid to leave him for short while.

She walked to the door, but then she froze in her tracks as the Doctor gave a sharp cry of pain.

"_Doctor?" _she said in alarm, turning back and looking on in horror as the colour drained from his face and he cried out again, tensing as pain ran through his body.

"_Help me!"_ he gasped,_ "Help me or bloody kill me!"_

Then he closed his eyes as his face paled further and he gasped for air, trembling as he fought against agony that burned deep in his spine.

Clara's head was dizzy with panic as she ran over to his bedside, the Doctor's pupils were like pin pricks as he gasped for air and his body shook and he broke out in a sweat.

"_Doctor!"_ she said again, and tears blurred her vision as she gave a sob and made a grab for Jace's arm._"Is this my fault?"_ she demanded.

Jace calmly pressed the emergency button.

"No, its a reaction to the healing process, a pain relief issue...get off me, I need to speak to someone."

And he shook off her grip and spoke through a two way communication system:

"This is Dr Jace Earl. My patient needs oxygen and morphine, I also need one month's supply of pre-loaded morphine jabs packaged up, thank you."

Then he turned back to Clara.

"Really, he's going to be fine. Pain is the first sign of recovery, remember? Its going to cost him in pain, but each time he goes through this, he gains more of himself back and loses the paralysis...Did you hear me, Clara?"

She was leaning over him as his eyes closed and he trembled, she was stroking his hair with a shaking hand , the Doctor was perspiring so heavily his grey hair had darkened with the dampness of his own sweat, and his breathing was erratic.

"Clara?" Jace said again.

She turned her head, and her face was streaked with tears.

"This is _my_ fault, I must have done something wrong!"

"No, I just told you, it's a reaction to the pain, the pain means he's healing, it will pass!"

Clara stepped back as more medical staff came in and she watched tearfully, feeling helpless as an oxygen mask was held to the Doctor's face and he was told to breathe slowly as another medic prepared to inject his arm with a dose of pain relief.

She gave another sob, her gaze fixed on his chest as his breathing began to slow to a more regular pace. Then Jace grabbed her arm and led her out of the room and closed the door.

* * *

><p>Outside the Doctor's room, Clara shrugged off Jace's grip and looked at him angrily.<p>

"_You had no right to pull me out of there!_ _I want to be with him, he needs me!"_

"I know that, but you need to get the Tardis ready – you can't take off with the supplies cluttering up the entrance, can you?"

Anger flashed in her eyes as she leaned close to his face and glared at him, lowering her voice to a whisper.

"_If you're rushing him to leave before he's ready because you want to get away I swear I''ll kill you!"_

His eyes widened.

"No! I promise you, Clara, it's just a pain relief issue. _Trust me!_ I saved his life before, I wouldn't risk it now! Just go back to the Tardis, as soon as the pain has worn off I'll bring him over to you."

She was still glaring at him.

"Give me a credible reason why I_ should _trust you!"

He looked into her eyes, and his gaze reflected honesty.

"Clara, I promise you this – each and every time he takes that anti venom shot, the pain will be every bit as bad as it was today. It will stay painful until his last shot, because he's recovering, because the shots are _working_! And if you love him, you'll understand it's _you_ who needs to give them to him, because he won't endure that kind of pain at _my_ hands on a daily basis, he's going to need you to remind him it will all be worth it in the end! I'm not here to administer the meds, I'm here to make sure _you_ know how to do it!"

Clara struggled to hold back her tears, she looked away from Jace and drew in a sharp breath, then she met his gaze again.

"I'm going back to the Tardis. You make sure he's got enough pain relief, because if we leave without it I'd rather he stayed in that chair for the rest of his life than have to go through that level of pain that I just witnessed again! And don't you _dare_ bring him out to the Tardis until he's well enough to leave, or I promise you, our deal is _off_!"

Jace ran his fingers through his fair hair and drew in a deep breath.

"Clara, you've got me all wrong – I promise you the Doctor will be fine!_ Please_ trust me!"

She looked hard at him.

"For now, I have no choice," she said as tears shone in her eyes, "But if you make_ one_ mistake, I will make sure the Tardis brings you back here to face the consequences of running away!"

"Just go, Clara," he said, "You have to trust me, the Doctor will be fine!"

_"You'll pay for it if he's not!"_ she said bitterly, and then she turned and walked away up the corridor in the direction of the Tardis.

* * *

><p>Jace went back into the Doctor's room.<p>

The medical staff had left now except for a nurse, who turned to him and explained the patient was now stable and his pain had been brought under control.

Jace nodded and thanked her and then she left, and he went over to the Doctor's bedside.

"Sorry about that," he said.

The Doctor closed his eyes as he held the oxygen mask to this mouth and drew in more air, then he lowered it and exhaled slowly, looking up at Jace with slightly glazed eyes.

"The pain relief's kicking in now," he said, "Give me half an hour and then I'll need some help to get dressed."

"More like an hour," Jace replied, "I'm not taking you back to the Tardis until you're recovered, I think Clara wants to kill me!"

"Its not your fault or hers," the Doctor said, "This is how its going to be, I've worked it out – terrible pain every single time I take a shot. And without the shots I won't ever get out of that chair."

Jace looked at him sympathetically.

"You're right," he replied, "I know it won't be easy, but I've explained the same thing to Clara – this was a pain management issue, it is resolved now. I'm not saying the anti venom shots will ever be easy to take, but we can handle your pain more effectively now."

The Doctor had stopped sweating and his breathing was steady once more as the last of the pain faded out, but worry clouded his eyes as he spoke again:

"You did explain to Clara that it wasn't her fault?"

"Of course I did! She can handle giving you the shots – she has to, its much better if she takes over, because she's the one who can get you through this, you need to work together."

"That makes sense to me."

The Doctor hit the button at the side of the bed and it shifted him into a sitting position.

"Help me get dressed, I want to leave."

"But you need to rest!"

The Doctor looked at him sharply.

"The pain has gone, Jace! Now help me get dressed and put me back in that wheelchair, I need to get back to my Tardis, I'm _not _waiting any longer!"

* * *

><p>Clara was already back at the Tardis.<p>

She was on the floor, her back against the wall of the console room as she sobbed and tears ran down her face.

She had just moved the medical equipment to the lab and then returned to the control centre, and as she stood there and recalled how energetic the Doctor had been before his paralysis, she had felt as if her heart was breaking all over again:

Jace had said, the Doctor would have to endure pain on a daily basis until the treatment was over – and _she_ would have to give him the shots...

It made sense, she knew she was the only one who could persuade him to go through such pain in order to make a full recovery, he needed her to be his strength, too – but right now, she didn't feel at all strong as she thought of how every single one of those pre-loaded needles she had just packed away would have to be injected into his spine, every one of them causing him pain that would get worse before he recovered...

Her heart ached as she blinked and more tears ran down her face.

"_Oh Doctor I'm sorry,"_ she whispered as she sat alone on the floor of the console room, _"I don't know if I can do this, I'm not a nurse...And I love you so much, I think I love you too much to hurt you..."_


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

_Clara had not spent long on the floor sobbing._

She could not afford to let herself fall apart for too long, because she knew she ran the risk of being caught – and that was unthinkable.

The Doctor thought she was stronger than that and she knew she was too.

And if she decided she was not going to fall apart, it would not happen, she would _not_ allow it to happen again...

A short while later she was in her room in front of the mirror, taking her time as she drew on her eye liner carefully, making sure her face was flawless, showing no trace of the moment she had cracked, because she had decided not to let her self break again, she had never behaved in a way she perceived as weak until now, but everything that had happened had become too much, and she didn't like the way it had felt, to be sobbing and helpless.

Clara _never_ wanted to be helpless.

She was pretty sure the Doctor felt the same way, but she had to be better at hiding her fears than he was – he had a right to be afraid, he was facing pain and uncertainty...

As she looked at her reflection she saw a much calmer, together version of herself, and it was a relief to know that she could see the one she loved go through so much and manage to pull herself back together and find the strength to face it all again.

"_Right..."_ she said as she looked into the eyes of her reflection, _"You're going to do this, you have to! Whatever it takes, do it. Do it for the Doctor."_

And speaking those words aloud seemed to help to strengthen her resolve.

Clara turned from the mirror and went back to the console room to wait for the Doctor to return with Jace.

* * *

><p>Jace Earl had gone back to his office and removed the picture of his wife from the frame, set the frame back on his desk and then opened up a case and set the picture along with the Doctor's notes, inside the case. Then he opened up a drawer and reached in the back and took out his laser pistol.<p>

As he held it he frowned, thinking it was out of place both on this journey and in his hands – he had become a medic to save lives, not to endanger them – and holding the weapon in his hand felt wrong on so many levels.

He thought of the Doctor and Clara, and how they were both good people who had suffered greatly – the Doctor was still facing much pain before he recovered, and Jace had noticed many times the look in Clara's eyes – she had found it unbearable to watch helplessly while the man she loved had gone through so much, but she had stayed strong, determined not crack under the strain. He wondered how she managed to do that without falling part, and then he thought back to her angry words in the corridor.

She had, quite wrongly blamed herself for his reaction to the anti venom, and then when he had explained she had, naturally, turned the blame on to him, because she_ had_ to blame someone. But it was human nature to do so after such trauma...

Jace felt deep compassion for both of them, and hated himself for putting the weapon into the case and locking it firmly, sealing his decision to take the gun on board the Tardis. Then he left his office and locked the door, and went back to the Doctor's room to tell him he was ready to leave.

* * *

><p>Clara had stood there in the control room leaning on the console deep in thought for a few minutes before she sensed the odd feeling that something had changed – then as she looked up she realised what it was, the whole of the room was on one level now, to make access to the controls easier for the Doctor while he was in the wheelchair – <em>when had the Tardis done that?<em>

Then she paused to reflect again on her own emotions:

_She was back in control now._

_Good._

_Nothing terrified her more than sliding out of control and becoming a sobbing wreck - except perhaps watching the Doctor go through such trauma – that had been enough to shake her calm exterior to the foundations and she never wanted it to happen again._

_It wouldn't happen again, she reminded herself, because Jace had promised he would manage the Doctor's pain._

_And he would manage it, she would make sure he kept his word..._

Then the door opened and the Doctor entered the Tardis, followed by Jace, who was carrying a case and a package that had been sealed up by the pharmacy.

"I've got the extra meds," he said, looking to Clara.

"Good," was all she said in reply, as she watched the Doctor drive his chair over to the Tardis controls.

"Clara come here, I need some help." The Doctor was reaching for the controls, and she joined him at the console and Jace stood and watched as he turned dials and pressed buttons and Clara helped him activate switches he could not quite reach.

Then the Doctor threw a lever and there was a whooshing groan that echoed as lights flashed, and then the console fell silent.

"Hurry up!" Jace said anxiously, "I want to get away!"

The Doctor looked up from the controls.

"You _are _away, Jace. Don't worry about your colleagues missing you now – that was two hundred years ago, their bones are already dust."

Jace looked at him in surprise.

"We're in the future? But I didn't want to go ahead -" and then he stopped abruptly, and the Doctor looked at him intently.

"You don't want to go ahead into the future? Why is that, Jace? Where did you want to go, the past?"

And Jace wondered if his own paranoia had read too much into the suspicion he seemed to hear in the Doctor's voice.

"I wanted to go back, I mean, eventually – back to Earth in the old days, that's where I was hoping to end up."

"Maybe you will, " the Doctor replied, "Once I don't need your help any more. Unless you want me to drop you off somewhere right now?"

Clara stared at him.

"No, you can't let him leave yet, you need his help -"

"I'm leaving the choice to him!" the Doctor said firmly, and as he looked back at Jace, the medic made his mind up:

_Yes, he would still carry out his plan, at gun point if that was what it took to get him back to the day before his wife died – but not yet. The Doctor needed his help, and Clara wasn't ready to take so much on by herself, purely because she loved the Doctor and it would be difficult for her to cope, especially if he had more complications..._

"I'm not leaving until you're recovered," he said to the Doctor, "There's no way I'd leave before I was sure you and Clara can cope with your treatment program. I'm guessing it won't be much longer before you come through the worst of it. Until then, I'm staying right here, because I know I'm needed."

"That's good to know," the Doctor replied, "Clara, could you show him the way to the lab, please? It looks like Jace has some more meds to put away."

"Yes I do," he said, indicating to the sealed bag, "I had the pharmacy make up a package based on your doses that worked back at the complex – I've got everything covered." and he shot a look to Clara, "Including extra pain relief. I had ordered up some morphine, but I also decided to add an order of milder pain relief too – I'm hoping we can switch to something less addictive when the worst of the pain is over. I want to cure you, but I don't want you coming out of this a junkie."

"Sensible plan," the Doctor replied, "Thanks for being considerate."

Jace smiled.

"I try to be."

"You are," the Doctor replied,eyeing him thoughtfully as he sat at the console looking comfortable in his wheelchair, "You're very considerate – _for a man in a hurry._"

Clara glanced at him, and he knew that look, but he dismissed her curiosity with a wave of his hand.

"Show Jace to the lab," he said, " And then show him to his room. There's accommodation next to the lab, he can move in there for now."

Jace thanked him again, and then he left the console room, following Clara down the Tardis corridor.

* * *

><p>As he sat alone in the console room, the Doctor leaned back against the padded leather chair and watched as the viewing screen displayed a mass of stars drifting by as the Tardis passed leisurely through time and space, and then he thought some more on his suspicions about Jace Earl:<p>

_He was definitely a man in a hurry._

Quite possibly, because he was thinking about the Tardis being a time machine, and a time machine could be of _great_ use to man who perhaps had a burning desire to use it to go back and change the past...

"_Watch out,"_ he said in a low voice, _"I'm on to you, Jace..."_

* * *

><p>Clara had watched as Jace unpacked bottles of pills and arranged the medication in order. He had made a point of telling her what each pill or pre-loaded syringe was for – making it clear he was going to make the Doctor as comfortable as possible. She had listened to all he had to say, and then led him to the door beside the lab, which led into a small but comfortable bedroom.<p>

Jace had sat down, and then slid his case beneath the bed.

"I'm going to get some rest now," he had told her, and she had nodded, and then left the room.

As she walked back down the corridor, her thoughts were still on Jace and that case he had slid beneath the bed – it didn't seem large enough to contain clothing, and she was sure she had already seen a suitcase along with the lab supplies, so if he had packed his clothing earlier and been happy for that case to be left in the lab, _what_ was in the case beneath his bed?

Partly, it was none of her business.

But the fact that he was someone they knew little about, who was long for the ride, seemed to make it her business all of a sudden.

Clara decided that later, when she had a chance she would search his room, just to be sure he wasn't hiding anything...

* * *

><p>"<em>Clara?"<em>

She stopped walking and turned back, hearing the Doctor's voice echo from somewhere down the corridor, past the lab and Jace's room, up the end around a corner...

She walked back up the corridor, and he called to her again, and as she turned the corner she saw him in his chair, outside an open door.

"I thought I'd get some rest for a while. Would you like to come in?"

She smiled in reply, and he pressed a button and drove the chair through the open doorway and she followed.

As she entered the room the Doctor paused beside a table, picked up a remote control and activated some buttons.

The door closed behind her and a lock slid into place, then he aimed the device towards a wide Victorian style fire place, and flames jumped to life. Lights dimmed to a soft glow and as she looked around, she felt instantly comfortable:

This was the Doctor's bedroom.

It was a vast place, half of it was set out as a bedroom with dark furniture and a four poster bed where velvet drapes were tied. The other half of the room was more like a front room, with an open fire and comfortable chairs and shelves of books lining one wall. It was all in old style, like something from the Victorian era.

"Its lovely," she said as she looked around.

"And since I fell ill, the Tardis has been kind enough to make everything remote control activated. I appreciate that, it makes life much easier."

And then he drove the chair over to his bedside and he looked to Clara as amusement sparkled in his eyes.

"_Come on then, you know you want to get me into bed."_

And then he laughed.

"I meant, I need to lie down and rest for a while. Don't get your hopes up, I'm still healing!"

"I didn't think that -"

"Yes you did!"

"No I did not!"

Her face had turned scarlet as she put her arms around him and helped him to shift over to the bed. He sat down heavily, then fell back against the pillow and laughed again as the sudden movement dragged her with him.

Clara gave a gasp, her lips close to his as she leaned over him.

"You did," the Doctor said softly, "You _did_ get your hopes up. And its not fair of me to disappoint you." And he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her.

As she responded, she turned on her side, laying beside him and pulling him closer as he held her and felt the heat of her skin and the quickness of her breath and the fluttering of her fragile human heart as she trembled. All of it reminded him how humans were so short lived, so easily broken...

But it didn't put him off her, it just made him want to wrap his arms around her for ever more...

Then he pulled away and saw sadness in her eyes as she longed for more, and as he looked at her he spoke to her gently.

"I know you love me, and yes, I love you too. And when I'm stronger, we can share the physical side of that aspect. But I'm not well, Clara. Can you be content to lay here beside me while I sleep? If not I'll understand."

"Of course," she replied, "I know you're not recovered yet."

And as she lay beside him, he unbuttoned his shirt and then took her hand and placed it on his chest.

"Feel that?" he murmured as he shifted closer and kissed her again, "As long as you feel that double beat, you know I'm alive. So _stop_ worrying about me, I can feel it flowing from you like a dark cloud of tension. Just close your eyes and sleep, rest in my arms."

Clara's hand was resting gently in the centre of his chest, her head was on his shoulder and as she closed her eyes he smiled, watching as her worries faded out as she slipped into a deep sleep, comforted by his closeness.

"_I do love you,"_ he whispered as he ran his hand over her hair,_ "I shouldn't, because humans don't live long, at least not nearly as long as Time Lords, but I do love you, I couldn't stop feeling this way if I tried..."_

And as she gave a sigh and continued to sleep, the Doctor closed his eyes and then as he felt thankful he was now back in his own bed at last, he slipped into a deep and much needed sleep.

* * *

><p>Clara woke up as the softness faded from the lighting in the Doctor's room, becoming brighter as the firelight flickered out. She turned over and watched him as he slept on, he was still on top of the covers, his breathing was slow and even and all trace of the terrible pain he had suffered after the anti venom shot had vanished.<p>

She ran her hand over his hair and he stirred in his sleep, then she pushed back his open shirt and kissed the centre of his chest. He smiled and gave a murmur and shifted position again, as if her touch had perhaps disturbed a lovely dream.

"Wake up," she said softly, "We've been asleep for hours!"

And he gave a sigh and opened his eyes and looked up at her.

"Morning, Clara," he said, and he turned on his side and wrapped his arms arm around her, breathing deeply as he buried his face against her hair and inhaled the scent of it as he leaned against her shoulder.

"_Doctor..."_

"No, let me go back to sleep. I don't want any breakfast yet, I'm too tired to move..."

"_I don't think you are!"_

Clara shook him.

He opened his eyes again and looked at her in surprise.

"Is that your idea of lovingly waking your sick boyfriend?" he complained.

"You moved."

"Sorry, but as long as I didn't kick you out of bed I don't consider any harm done!"

Her eyes lit up as she started to smile.

"Doctor, you moved! You can move your legs!"

Surprise registered in his eyes as he realised he had a degree of sensation back, and as he tried to move he succeeded, and then his eyes lit up with hope.

"This treatment is actually working!"

"Of course it is, that's why you're _not _going to give it up!"  
>"You do love to order me around. Here's an order for you, put some pillows behind me, I need to sit up."<p>

Clara was still smiling as she rearranged his pillows and helped him to sit up. There was a sparkle in the Doctor's eyes, along with a hint of frustration as if he wished he could have everything back right now this instant, and she was ready to grab him and hold him back if he tried to get out of bed and stand, because he was definitely not strong enough to try for that yet.

"Clara, I need you to -"

"Make you some coffee?" she said, "That's a good idea – caffeine, energy, -"

"_No."_

The tone of his voice had changed.

He ran his hand down her shoulder as he looked into her eyes.

"You're right, the treatment _is_ working. And its been long enough since my last dose. I want you to go and fetch Jace and tell him I'm ready for my second shot."

Her smile faded.

"No, you should wait, you might not be ready -"

"Don't tell me if I'm ready!" he said sharply, "_Stop_ trying to control everything! I know you hate watching me suffer, but look at what its doing for me! Jace is right, I'm recovering! Now go and fetch him, please!"

She climbed off the Doctor's bed and smoothed down her clothing, ran her fingers through her hair and then glanced at him reluctantly.

"Okay, but if he says it's too soon -"

"He won't. It has been twenty four hours. I _know_ when the dose is due."

She gave a sigh.

"Fine, you're obviously determined to rush this, I'll go and fetch him."

"_Rush it?"_ he exclaimed, _"I'm not rushing anything!"_ but she gave no reply as she grabbed the remote control and unlocked the door.

And then Clara left the room, and anxiety slowly built up inside her as she went off in search of Jace as she recalled the nightmare events of the previous day...

* * *

><p>Her heart felt heavy as she went up to Jace's door and knocked.<p>

There was no reply, so she knocked again, then she called his name.

"Go away!" he groaned, and she opened the door sharply and walked in, wondering what could be amiss.

The answer was right in front of her.

Jace was still in the clothes he had been wearing the day before, his hair was a mess and he stank of sweat and stale booze.

There was an empty whiskey bottle on its side on the floor and as he looked at her, his eyes were still glazed.

"Sorry about me, Clara," he said, "I drink to sleep sometimes. Last night I couldn't sleep so I drank and I still couldn't sleep - so now I'm still drunk."

And he smiled apologetically, oblivious to her stunned expression.

"The Doctor needs his anti venom shot!" she said sharply, "He needs you to help him, how could you get in a state like this?"

He looked down at the bottle on the floor, then to his late wife's picture that was on the pillow, and he slipped it under his pillow before turning back to Clara.

"The Doctor needs his shot!" she said again.

Jace replied lazily as he sat there, swaying slightly as he tried to focus on her, and his reply filled her with dread:

_"Sorry,"_ he said,_ "I'm in no fit state. You'll have to give it to him. You do it. You give him the shot, Clara..."_


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

As they stood in the lab together, anger smouldered in Clara's eyes as Jace swayed on his feet as he sorted through the meds.

"I can't believe you got drunk when you _knew_ the Doctor needed you! And how did you even bring the booze on board?"

Guilt shaded his eyes.

"I packed it in with the stuff you took through from the console room."

"I carried _your_ alcohol in here?"

"Sorry...here, take his meds...The larger needle is the anti venom, the other one is the morphine. But take this as well..." he handed her a bottle of pills, "If he's up for it, give him a choice – two of these pills instead of the morphine. I don't want him getting hooked, Clara. I can't predict how severe the pain will be and how long he will need the meds – but I really don't want him to end up addicted."

She took the pills from him.

"Like you are, to booze?" she asked accusingly.

Guilt still shaded his eyes.

"What can I say? I chose my poison after my wife died. Sometimes it blocks it out, some times not. I'm just glad you never have to understand that kind of pain, the pain of losing the one you love."

His words had far more impact than he realised as she recalled the helpless, terrible feelings she had gone through as she had watched the Doctor suffer knowing there was nothing she could do to help him...

"Does he need anything else?" she asked him.

He thought about it, and swayed again.

"I don't _think_ so..."

"That's not good enough! Does he need anything else to get him through this treatment, Jace?"

And as he looked at her his vision blurred, and then he saw two angry Claras instead of one, and then his double vision briefly cleared once more, and all he wanted to do was go to bed and sleep for a long time...

"No, he's got everything he needs. I'm sure. Now I _really_ need to go to bed and crash out -"

"Do what you like!" she snapped, and then she walked out of the lab, taking the meds with her.

* * *

><p>By the time she returned to the Doctor's room, she had firmly shut down all trace of her nervousness and sense of dread at the prospect of watching the one she loved go through such pain again:<p>

_The anti venom was working._

_They both knew that._

_The Doctor was being practical, it made no sense to wait, and as much as she hated to be the one to put him through it, she knew he was right._

_And of course, she was also keen to get it over with..._

She had kept herself together as she helped the Doctor to take off his shirt and turn over, exposing the small silver disc set in the middle of his spine.

As a realisation hit her that made her feel a rising sense of dread all over again, she kept calm, hiding it as she spoke up, not wanting to make the Doctor anxious:

"I'm sorry it has to be me doing this."

The Doctor's face was turned away as he lay on his front, the side of his face against the pillow.

"And you just explained, Jace can't do it. So _you_ get on with it."

Clara set down the painkilling injection on the table, still in its protective wrapper.

"Doctor, I can't inject the morphine. I might do it wrong, Jace hasn't showed me how to do that. Sorry."

"What were those other pills he gave you?"

She picked up the bottle and looked at the label.

"Dihydrocodeine and paracetamol? That's what the label says... He said to give you a choice between this and the morphine..."

"I'll take the pills," he said, "Sounds like a weak opioid... it might be enough."

Clara went through to the bathroom and grabbed a glass and filled it with water.

"At least he's trying to help me out by keeping me off the stronger stuff," the Doctor said as she returned to his bedside, opened the bottle and then handed him two tablets.

The Doctor sat up leaning on his side as he took the pills and swallowed them with water.

As Clara put the glass on the table next to the bed she looked at him doubtfully.

"He's not doing you any great favours – he's too_ drunk _to do his job!"

"But he is keen to spare _me_ the pain of addiction," he reminded her.

Clara shook her head, and he saw no sympathy in her eyes for Jace Earl.

"He told me a sob story about losing his wife – that's no excuse to get drunk when he should be looking after you!"

The Doctor had been resting against the pillow, breathing deeply as the pain relief began to make him feel pleasantly sedated. He glanced around at Clara.

"I don't think you mean that."

"_Yes I do!"_

The Doctor briefly smiled as he rested against the pillow once more and enjoyed a pleasant sensation of almost floating out of his aching body.

"I think you're just angry with him, because you were counting on him to do his duty by me and you didn't imagine for one moment that he had a weakness that could jeopardise that. He's not doing it to harm me, Clara. He's in pain and he's not going to use drugs to block it out because he's had access to a large pharmacy since he took the job underground, but he's not that stupid, he works with these meds all the time, he doesn't want to become a slave to them. That's why he drinks, its a lesser evil – or so he_ thinks_ it is."

"You feel sorry for him, then?"

"Not sorry, I just think sometimes when a person loses someone they never really get over it. Who are we to judge the level of his pain? Grief isn't standard. Everyone gets it differently. How would you have felt if the treatment had failed and I'd died?"

Those words sent a sharp spike of pain into her heart and she drew in a sharp breath.

"But you didn't!" she said quickly, "You didn't die, that didn't happen, so it's pointless -"

"_You can't even bear to think about it."_

"Of course I can't! Now keep still, I'm going to give you the shot."

He gave a heavy sigh.

"Yes, Nurse Clara. _And Clara_..."

She had taken the anti venom syringe out of its packaging, and was sitting on the edge of the bed, cautiously hovering the needle over the port.

"Clara?" he said again, and this time she heard him as she glanced up.

"What?"

The look in his eyes softened.

"If it hurts, I forgive you. Just remember how much I'll get back with every one of these shots. I'm getting better now, you won't have to do this for much longer."

"Right..."

She looked down at the port once more, her hand much steadier than it had been at the first attempt. As she lowered the needle the port slid open.

"And Clara -"

She looked up.

"What now? I just want to get this over and done with!"

There was warmth in his voice as he replied, despite the tension he had heard in hers.

"I love you," he reminded her, "And its _okay _if this hurts. So stick that needle in me, beautiful - I want to get better!"

She drew in a slow breath and lowered the needle.

The port slid open and she slipped the needle inside and injected the contents.

As she did it, she was holding her breath.

She was still holding it as she drew the needle out and the port closed up again.

"That was okay," the Doctor told her.

She exhaled at last, and looked at him in surprise.

"Just okay? I could have done better?"

He laughed softly against the pillow he rested on.

"No Clara, I meant, that was fine. I felt nothing."

"Good," she said, and then she placed the needle back in the wrapper to dispose of it on returning to the lab.

Then the Doctor turned over on to his back and did so without help – she noticed and she smiled.

"It won't be long before you're back on your feet again."

His eyes lit up, and it was then she noticed that almost manic expression was back, the one he often wore when he was his usual lively self who just couldn't keep still...

"I might try later on today! I'll just try standing, and see how I get on with it. Standing seems like the way forward... Of course it is...got to stand before I can take a step ...I'll stand...just for little while, to see if I can do it -"

"You should slow down!"

"Clara, I'm sick of being flat on my back or stuck in that chair! I want to get up, I need to move about, I need to _walk_!"

"And you're not ready!"

"We'll see about that," he replied, and he had said that like she had just thrown down the gauntlet for a challenge.

"Doctor, you're rushing it!"

He waved his hand dismissively.

"No, no no...I'm ready, I _know _I am."

And he struggled, and then sat up by himself as he pushed pillows behind him, and then he leaned back against them.

"I can sit up by myself now, did you see that?"

"Almost, you're leaning against four pillows! And you're _not _supposed to sit up for at least an hour after the jab!"

The Doctor looked at her, and his eyes were slightly glazed from the medication.

"Clara, these pills are working! I've got no pain, I feel fine -" He stopped talking as his eyes grew wide and he dragged in a breath, then a flicker of panic reflected in his eyes as he grabbed nervously at the covers.

"Oh no, not that, _anything_ but that!"

"What's wrong?"

Now the panic was clear in his eyes.

"_I feel sick...don't let me be sick I hate it, help me...give me something for it..."_

And he leaned forward, coughed and gagged as he struggled not to vomit.

"_Clara, please!"_

"I'm going to the lab..."

"No, don't leave...I _hate_ being sick...don't let me -"

"_I won't be long!"_

* * *

><p>She turned away and ran out of the room and down the corridor, as she ran towards the lab she remembered back on the frozen planet, Jace had mentioned something about nausea being a side effect. The Doctor hated the thought of vomit, why hadn't Jace reminded her about the risk of side effects?<p>

_Oh yes, he was drunk..._

Her anger towards Jace had to wait as she wrenched open the lab door and ran over to the cabinet where the meds were stored.

She opened up the door and began to search through bottles of pills and packets of drugs in blister packs...

"What _is_ it?" she said aloud, knowing she had no clue what she was looking for. Then she found a packet marked _Meclizine - anti emetic,_ and popped a pill from the blister pack, dropped the pack on the floor and ran from the lab.

* * *

><p>The Doctor was still sitting up in bed when she returned, his face was pale and his breathing was rapid as he looked at her fearfully.<p>

"_I'm trying not to...I don't want to..."_

She handed him the glass of water and his hand shook, so she steadied it as she put the pill in his mouth and helped him swallow it. The glass shook in his hand again and she took it from him, then gently eased him back against the pillows as he continued to try and breathe and fight the wave of nausea.

"Stay calm," she said softly, "Deep breaths, slowly..."

The Doctor's breathing was slowing and as the sickness began to fade, he looked to Clara with glazed eyes.

"Thanks...this stuff is working," he said, "But why do I feel so sedated?"

"Just try and sleep," she told him, as a flicker of worry passed through her as she wondered if the two drugs had been incompatible – he had already said the pain relief had made him feel drowsy...

The Doctor closed his eyes, his body relaxed and he began to breathe slowly and evenly.

"Doctor?" she said anxiously.

"I'm okay now, let me sleep..." he murmured, and as he slipped into a deep sleep, she left the room, heading off to find Jace.

* * *

><p>As she reached his door, Jace opened it.<p>

He had sobered up now, and he had showered, because he no longer stunk of stale booze. He had also changed from his uniform into a light grey suit and beneath it he wore a colourful designer shirt.

His eyes widened as he saw Clara looking at him with an expression he could not understand.

"What does that look mean -"

The slap as her palm connected with his cheek and knocked him sideways cut off his words.

He turned back to her, his left cheek stinging as he regarded her with a shocked expression.

"Oh..you wanted to _hit _me..._WHY?_"

"You said the Doctor might need anti sickness drugs! How could you _forget_ to remind me? He hates being sick, he was terrified! I had to give him.." She paused, struggling to remember the name of the med.

" Meclizine?" he suggested.

"That's the one! And now he's sleepy! Is that supposed to happen?"

"How many did you give him?"

Her eyes widened in alarm.

"Just the one, why?"

"What pain relief did he take before the jab?"

"Two of those Dihydra something -"

"Dihydrocodeine? Well, you've basically sedated him because both have sedative effects, but the dose was mild so he _will_ be okay...next time he takes the pain pills, he has to eat first, okay? Then he wont need the anti sickness meds. Don't worry, he's going to fine. And I'm sorry, it _is _my fault and it won't happen again!"

As Clara looked at him and he saw her stony expression he spoke apologetically once more, "It was a moment of weakness -"

"If I find any more booze on board this ship I'm disposing of it!" she told him, "Your priority is the Doctor, getting drunk is for the rest of your wasted life – later, when he's better!"

And then she turned away and walked back up the corridor towards the Doctor's room.

* * *

><p>After resting for a couple of hours, the Doctor asked Clara to help him get dressed. She had watched him carefully as she helped him put on his dark suit and his red-lined jacket, but saw no trace of the sedation that had affected him earlier.<p>

"I could have killed Jace," she said as knelt down in front of him as he sat in his chair and she began to tie his shoe laces, "This was his fault, you never should have felt so ill today, you're getting better now, the pills worked fine...I didn't know you couldn't take them on an empty stomach."

"And that's not your fault and it doesn't matter now."

Clara stood up and looked at him questioningly.

"No," she agreed, "It's not my fault – its Jace's fault! I don't know why you're so forgiving towards that _pathetic_ excuse of a man!"

"Let's not talk about blame any more," the Doctor said, "I have to land the Tardis soon."

"Where are we going?" she asked him.

The Doctor looked at her fondly as he thought of easier days to come, in a peaceful place where he could rest and heal and take all the time he needed to be alone with Clara...

"We are heading for a planet much like earth, named Otium-6. It's slowly becoming a holiday spot for those who prefer tranquillity and solitude and the weather is always warm and the planet is unpolluted, unspoiled in every way. And I bought a cottage there a few years back. I'd like to take you there, we could both do with a break."

And he smiled, and so did Clara, but then she thought of Jace and her smile faded.

"And Jace is coming along too?"

"Yes," the Doctor replied, "Jace is coming too. It will be the perfect place for me to recover and finish my treatment. I have to get back to the console room now, we land soon."

And then he drove his chair out into the corridor and headed off for the console room, and Clara hurried off to catch up with him.

* * *

><p>As she reached the console room, the Doctor was already at the controls.<p>

He indicated to a dial over the other side of the console.

"Turn that for me."

Clara obeyed.

"Thanks, beautiful," he said, and as their eyes met, she felt her hopes begin to soar as she felt certain she was seeing him become more of the man she knew and loved every day now, he was recovering fast...

The Doctor threw a lever and the Tardis landed.

The viewing screen opened to display the sight of woodland, rolling fields and a wide lake.

"The cottage is behind us," he told her, "This is the view from the front garden."

And then Jace hurried into the console room.

"I heard that sound again, have we landed -"

He stopped talking, now he was gazing in awe at a sight he had missed for so long as he looked through the screen at the rolling fields and the blue sky above it.

"It's beautiful!" he exclaimed, and he ran for the door, "I have to get outside!"

The Doctor waved him away with a dismissive movement of his hand.

"Go and get some fresh air, Jace."

The door closed heavily as Jace left the Tardis.

Then the Doctor looked to Clara.

"Now..." he said, driving his chair away from the console and towards the Tardis door, "I think its time I tried something, don't you?"

His eyes were sparkling as he looked at her, and Clara wondered what he meant - until she saw him leaning on the arm rests of the chair as he struggled to stand.

"No, Doctor, don't -"

She froze, her eyes wide as she stood poised ready to rush forward, ready to catch him, but the Doctor stayed on his feet. He swayed, and then he let go of the wheelchair, leaning on nothing as he tried to stay upright on shaking legs.

Determination blazed in his eyes.

"I_ told _you I could do it!" he said, and then he took a step forward, fell hard to the console floor and gave a cry of pain.

Clara fell to her knees beside him, helping him as he struggled to get up.

"_JACE!"_ she yelled, _"Get back in here!"_

She had pulled the Doctor up to his knees as she supported him.

"Are you all right?"

He nodded.

"My pride is shattered, but I'll live..."

And then he looked at her and suddenly the Doctor's eyes were filled with tears.

"_Get me back in my chair,"_ he said as his voice choked with emotion, _"Just get me back into the damned thing, I obviously belong there!"_

"No, it was just too soon -"

Jace came back into the console room.

"What's happened?"

"I've been stupid, that's all," the Doctor replied, and now all trace of tears had vanished from his eyes, replaced by a deep sorrow that worried Clara greatly – it was as if the fall had taken every shred of confidence he had built up since he had fallen ill.

Between them, Clara and Jace helped him back into his chair.

"Don't do that again, not yet," Jace told him, "You're not ready...and now, I need to be out there, beneath a sky, where I can see the sunshine!"

And then he hurried off again.

* * *

><p>As the Doctor sat in the wheelchair in the console room he looked up at Clara sadly.<p>

"He's right," he said quietly.

"Of course he is, it was too soon!" Clara told him.

"_No,"_ the Doctor replied, _"I mean he's right that I shouldn't do that again. Who am I kidding? I'll most likely never get out of this chair. I don't think I'll walk again."_

"Yes you will!" she said to him, but the Doctor just pressed a button and drove the chair through the open doorway and out of the Tardis, into the sunshine on a peaceful planet where a blue sky covered green fields. And Clara followed him, keeping her fears silent:

_She was afraid the Doctor was giving up. _

_She couldn't let him give up, not now he was so close to winning the fight..._


	9. Chapter 9

Note from Author:

I just want to say thank you for all the reviews favourites and follows. Its great to know this fic is being enjoyed by so many people. Please keep the reviews coming, and enjoy the rest of this fic. There are still a few more chapters to go - its not the end yet!

* * *

><p>Chapter 9<p>

Clara left the Tardis and looked around outside, Jace had walked along the river bank and now stood by some trees as he watched sunlight reflecting off the water. Then he sat down, looked up at the blue sky and laid back on the warm grass.

As she turned back she saw the cottage, it would not have been out of place in the English country side, it had a thatched roof and leaded windows and the garden was filled with herbs and roses that she guessed must have been brought from Earth.

_But where was the Doctor?_

Then she saw him, he was sitting in his chair by the lake on the path that led away from the house, as he looked out across the water she got the feeling his thoughts were far from here, from this planet and this moment – he was thinking deeply about something...

"Jace is on his back, in the grass sleeping in the sun," she announced as she joined him.

"Good. Maybe the sleep will take his mind off his unhappiness."

The Doctor was still looking across the water.

"_Doctor?"_

He gave no answer as he continued to think.

"I never knew a lake in the middle of the afternoon could be so fascinating," Clara remarked, "A still pond -"

"With waters that run very deep," he added, and then he turned his head and met her gaze.

_"Bit like me, Clara – always something going on under the surface."_

"Have I missed something?"

"I don't trust Jace," he told her, "It's just a feeling I have about him. It has nothing to do with him messing up earlier – I just don't trust him, I'm not sure why. I keep thinking he has a hidden agenda."

"I want to find out what he keeps under his bed," Clara replied, "It's not his booze – he hid that in the lab, but I saw him put something under his bed back at the Tardis and I'd love to know what it is."

"Maybe you should take a look when he's settled in the cottage. Most of the place is ground floor but there's a big upstairs attic conversion – he can sleep there. That will put a distance between him and the Tardis, give you a chance to find out what he's hiding."

She looked over the lake to the spot where Jace was relaxing in the sun.

"I don't think he's getting up for a while."

"Neither would you if you'd spent several years deprived of sunlight. He just wants to enjoy it."

"There you go again, standing up for him. Why?"

"I've met all kinds of people in this universe," the Doctor replied, "And while I don't trust him, it doesn't mean I think he's a bad person. He's not. He just has a lot of problems caused by a lot of sorrow."

And all of a sudden deep sadness reflected in the Doctor's eyes. He reached for her hand and grasped it gently as he spoke up again:

"Clara, I don't think I'm going to fully recover from this. Perhaps how I am now, will be as good as it ever gets."

"_Stop giving up."_

"I'm not giving up, I'm facing reality," he said to her, "This has been hard for me, it's been tough to come through this and get this far. I don't think I can go any further. I think I will most likely be stuck in this chair for the rest of my life – certainly for the rest of this regeneration. And I would understand if perhaps you felt that was a little too much to take on."

He was still holding on to her hand as he looked into her eyes.

"I don't want to lose you, but I wouldn't blame you if you decided to choose not to look after me. You don't need that, Clara. You're young and you have a life of your own, you don't want to throw everything away to take care of a crippled old Time Lord like me!"

"Yes I do!" she said firmly, "And you're not old! You're certainly not too old to find the strength to get over what happened! You can _still_ fight this."

"Oh right, of course I can. I suppose the many centuries I've lived in many lifetimes counts for nothing , then? You're just taking it at face value that I can bounce back from this? You must think I'm indestructible! _You're wrong_."

Clara watched as the Doctor looked back across the lake, sadness reflecting in his eyes as he watched the sunlight shimmer on the surface of the water.

"I think I'll have to come to terms with the fact that life will never be the same again for me. And I think eventually you will tire of putting up with me having these difficulties."

She stood in front of him, blocking his view of the lake, and then she placed her hands on the arm rests of his chair and leaned closer to him, amusement dancing in her eyes.

"You should hear yourself! I've never known you to be so full of self pity, so ready to quit! You _are_ going to get better -"

"You don't know that!"

"But you are," she reminded him, "You're getting stronger every day. And you won't fail in anything you do, you will pick up your life and get on and very soon it will seem as if this never happened, you know why? Because you've got _me_ and I won't _ever_ stop loving you or believing in you. So you had better get used to that, Doctor – I'm not going any where. My life changed forever when you told me you loved me. I'm always going to be here for you, okay?"

Surprise registered in his eyes.

Clara was looking at him like he was simply not allowed to do anything but agree. His Impossible Girl was taking charge, and he was glad of it, because after falling as hard as he had, the pain and the shock of it had knocked his confidence badly...

"Okay, so maybe you_ do_ want to spend your life with this poor old crippled Time Lord!"

She started to smile and so did he.

"You bet I do!" she said warmly, and she leaned closer and kissed him lovingly.

Then as he returned her kiss, she wrapped her arms around him, and as the Doctor embraced her, he broke off from their kiss and she saw tears shining in his eyes as he held her, but now the sorrowful look had gone, replaced by hope once more.

"My Impossible Girl," he said fondly, "I don't know what I'd do without you."

"It is going to be all right," she promised him, "No matter what happens, I'll still be your Clara and I won't leave you. I want to be with you forever, because that's what love has done to me. _Stop_ being scared, I'm here, and I'm staying."

And then the Doctor's eyes filled with tears again as emotion washed over him, and he wrapped his arms around her tightly once more.

As Clara let go first amusement danced in her eyes.

"You're not doing too bad for a man who wasn't much into giving hugs."

"_I don't. I just give them to you, so I guess love has changed me too."_

"This has changed both of us," she agreed, "It has to. No one can go through something like this without being affected – we just have to make sure it only changes us for the better."

He nodded.

"You're right," he said, "It _will_ change us for the better. It will make us stronger in the end."

And then Clara stood beside the Doctor as he relaxed in his chair, and for a while they watched the sun on the water and listened to the bird song and enjoyed the peaceful afternoon together.

* * *

><p>As Jace slept on under a hot sun that he had only been able to dream of whilst being trapped below ground for so long, the Doctor and Clara went back to the cottage.<p>

Since they had spoken by the lake, the Doctor's mood had lifted once more and his optimism was back.

And their embrace had stirred up feelings that had taken the Doctor by surprise – for the first time since he had fallen ill, he had asked Clara to help him into bed – and to join him, and he made it clear he was _not_ intending to spend the remainder of the afternoon sleeping...

Once they were alone in the bedroom and the door was closed and the lock turned, the Doctor slipped off his jacket and draped it over the arm of his chair, then Clara had helped him out of the chair and on to the bed.

Once they were together, safely on the bed with no risk of him falling, any trace of tension that had been present in his eyes now disappeared as he wrapped his arms around her and held her close.

"So," Clara said as she looked into his eyes, "You're feeling very optimistic?"

"Not_ that _optimistic! Slow down!"

"I'll try to be gentle."

She got up, kneeling beside him as she slipped off her dress.

He drew in a deep breath, taking in the sight of her curves as his eyes roamed over her body and he wished he was strong enough to take her in his arms and roll her on to the mattress and finally, show her the bedroom was the one place where he would_ not _allow her to control every aspect of what happened between them...

He started to unbutton his shirt as he lay there on his back, but then Clara took over, and for now, he let her do that.

Her eyes were shining with warmth as she continued to open up his shirt, and she smiled as she spread it open, running her hands over his chest.

"You have a very soft touch,|" he said, enjoying the sensation.

Then she leaned over him and kissed him gently.

"But I know you're not recovered yet. I'll stop if you want me to."

She was on top of him, but taking the weight off him by leaning her hands against his shoulders.

He gave her a knowing look.

"Just this once," he said softly, "You can let your control freak go wild because I have no choice but to stay flat on my back. And be quick about it because I don't know if this will last!"

For a moment he saw a questioning look in Clara's eyes, and then that expression changed to one of joy as he managed to raise his hips against her briefly, indicating that those feelings that had long been absent were back.

"_I won't be able to make love the way you want me to – not yet... But feel free to help yourself while I lay back and enjoy it."_

She had understood now, and the seductive tone of his voice made her smile as desire darkened her eyes.

She slid down the bed, her hands working to free the buckle on his belt quickly. Then she tugged down his zip and the fabric of his trousers slid softly against his skin as she began to take them down.

Moments later her breath was on him, then her mouth was on him and all the Doctor could do was give a quiet gasp as he closed his eyes, crushed the sheets in his grip and lay back and let Clara take over, as her mouth and her gentle kisses woke up feelings in a place he had never expected to feel such intense pleasure again.

* * *

><p>Jace had woken up as the sun dipped lower in the sky, he had opened his eyes and the light blinded him for a moment, then he had sat up and blinked and remembered that he was free of the underground planet, he really was in warm grass looking up at a blue sky as the sun shone down.<p>

It felt like true freedom at last, and it would have been perfect , if his heart would only stop aching for Maria.

_But he knew that would never happen, and there was only one way to put that right..._

The Tardis had landed near the cottage, he could see it from where he sat by the lake, it stood out, a blue police box in the front garden of a cottage that wouldn't have looked out of place on the old earth he had seen depicted in history books.

As he got up he looked over at the cottage and then thought about his plan to hold the Doctor and Clara at gunpoint to take him back in time to save Maria.

He felt guilty, because he had come to think much of the time traveller and his girlfriend, both were good people – and as he thought of his plan, he guessed he did not deserve their friendship, not when he had such terrible intentions.

_He had never wanted to betray anyone._

But he could not live with the pain of his loss, and so there would be no other way...

He started to think about when he ought to carry out his plan, and decided, not yet – not while the Doctor was still healing. That man had been through hell and fought so hard, it just wouldn't be fair to put him through that right now.

_But when would it ever be fair, that he was waiting for the Doctor to be strong enough to fly the Tardis alone to get him to his destination?_

He had it all set out in his mind:

_Force the Doctor to take him back and save Maria, then him and Maria would be taken to a nice quiet planet where they could start their farm._

_And the Doctor would have no choice but to obey, Because he would take Clara hostage to make sure he succeeded..._

His heart felt heavy as he walked around the lake and back towards the cottage. He really didn't want to betray their trust, but there could be no other way. The Doctor would not let him use his time machine to change the past, that wasn't the Doctor's game, he could tell:

He seemed like the kind of man to respect the past and fear changing it in case of negative outcomes, he was pretty sure he had him worked out right on that – the Doctor was a Time Lord, and lords of time stuck to the rules, didn't they? Obviously the Doctor knew much about time and would _not_ let it be abused – unless of course he had a gun pointed at him leaving him no other choice...

By the time he entered the cottage, Jace felt deeply saddened to think that soon he would be wrecking the best two friendships he had made in a long while – but he could see no way around it.

Then he went along the downstairs hallway, through to the front room, and saw a very old and very inviting antique sofa - old earth design - and after the heat of the sun had taken such a toll, he was glad to lay back on it and fall into a deep sleep once more.

* * *

><p>"<em>That was much more than I expected."<em>

As she turned on her side beneath crumpled bedsheets and looked into the Doctor's eyes, Clara ran her fingers through her hair, pushing it off her face as she relaxed beside her lover.

The Doctor was still on his back, resting cautiously, and he was perspiring lightly, but the reason was purely because they had spent the past two hours kissing and caressing and making love in ways that he could manage – his caresses had taken her all the way to paradise and she had done the same for him and as he lay there recovering he suddenly laughed.

"What's so funny?"

His eyes sparkled as he looked at Clara.

"I've just realised, what we just shared was good, so good it doesn't matter if I never get everything back. It was good for me. Was it good for you? Be honest?"

She thought about it.

"How do you want me to grade your performance, then?"

He laughed again.

"Very good, I hope!"

Her voice softened as she shifted closer to him and put her arms around him, resting her head on his chest where she heard the beat of twin hearts within.

"It was amazing, just like you are. And no, before you ask, I don't mind that we couldn't go all the way – it wouldn't have been fair on your back!"

The Doctor felt contented as he lay there running his fingers through Clara's hair.

"I really feel like me again now, like I've got a part of me back that matters – the part that has _confidence_!"

Clara sat up, leaning on her elbow as her other hand gently touched his cheek and then she ran her hand over his hair as their eyes locked.

"Seriously." she said, "You didn't do too bad, considering you're such a poor, crippled old Time Lord!"

"I'm a what -"

The Doctor's eyes widened, and then as she started to laugh softly, he grabbed her and pulled her back down, holding her tightly as he dropped his voice to a whisper as a playful sparkle came to his eyes again.

"You wait till I'm back on my feet, I'll be chasing you around this bedroom, Clara Oswald...and you won't be taking over then...my bedroom, _my_ rules..."

And he winked, and then as he noticed her eyes darken with desire again he smiled.

"Looks like the control freak might have some little fantasies about being dominated by this old Time Lord...I _know _I'm right!"

She took in a slow breath as a tingle of excitement passed over her flesh as she looked into his eyes.

"_Hurry up and get well!"_

"_I'm trying!"_

He leaned closer, briefly turning on his side, then he kissed her and then let go, and rolled on to his back again, and Clara noticed yet again that movement was becoming increasingly easy for him.

The Doctor looked up at the ceiling for a moment, and then he chuckled and glanced back to Clara.

"When we go back to Earth, I might surprise you while you're at work. _I might turn up as the caretaker again and ask to have to have a quick word with you in my broom cupboard..._"

There was a wicked sparkle in his eyes as he imagined her rising from her desk, looking slightly flustered as she quickly told the class she would be back soon, she had to have _a quick word with the caretaker._..

Clara giggled.

"You're definitely getting better. _The broom cupboard?_ There's no stopping you now!"

Then the Doctor's smile faded.

"What time is it?"

Clara checked her watch.

"Almost six pm."

He shifted closer to her and held her again, wrapping his arms around her tightly, so tightly she realised his strength was returning.

"We had better get some sleep," he reminded her, "I'm going to need the rest. I've got another shot to take in the morning."

And the mention of his next treatment session, all the joy that had lifted out her worries faded away, and Clara held him close, closing her eyes as she rested her head on his chest and listened to the beat of twin hearts, as she tried not to think about the pain tomorrow might bring.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Next morning as Clara got on with her day, she made a mental note of all she had done since rising early at six in the morning:

_She had gone back to the Tardis and searched the room Jace had stayed in while they were travelling._

_The case was under the bed, but all she found inside it was the Doctor's medical notes._

_Then she had gone back to the cottage and cooked breakfast, found Jace already up and dressed and as he announced he was going back to the Tardis to collect some supplies, she breathed a relieved sigh, realising how close she had come to getting caught._

_She still had the feeling that Jace was hiding something, but clearly, he had moved it now..._

She took some breakfast to the Doctor's room and found him up and dressed.

He had got dressed by himself, and that was a first since he had fallen ill, but no sooner had she told him he had done well, he had looked at her apologetically and asked her to tie up his shoe laces.

Then she left him to have breakfast and went back to find Jace.

* * *

><p>She found him in the hallway, and he was laying out meds on a small table in the hallway.<p>

"As you can see," Jace said politely,"I'm stone cold sober – and I'm going to stay that way."

"I hope you do."

"It won't be easy," he admitted, "But I want to help the Doctor. I feel bad that I wasn't there for him when he needed me. I can understand you getting so upset over it."

"We should put that behind us," Clara told him, "We're both on the same side."

And then she caught a brief flicker of guilt in his eyes, but then it was gone again.

"Of course we are," he said, and then he changed the subject:

"I've got the anti venom shot, the pain shot if he needs it and the milder pain relief too – has he had breakfast?"

She nodded.

"Then he should be okay with the pills. That's good, I'm never happy to pump a patient full of morphine on a regular basis. Do you want to give him the shot today?"

"Yes, I'm okay with it," Clara replied, "I can handle it now."

And Jace handed her the sealed anti venom shot.

"It's not easy, I know," he said to her, "Watching someone you love suffer. Its the worst feeling, it must be something like I went through – not the same of course, but when my wife died, I felt helpless, scared. It doesn't matter how confident you are, how in control you are, when someone you love falls ill, or you lose them – it's the worst feeling ever, because there's nothing you can do about it."

"I know," she said softly, "It has been really difficult, since the Doctor was ill. But he's getting better now, I can see it happening more every day."

Jace smiled.

"And you don't really have me to thank for that, its down to you. You're the one he needs."

"But I do feel grateful to you," she told him, "Because after he was poisoned, you saved his life. He wouldn't be here if not for you. So no matter what, I'll always thank you for that."

And Jace looked away for a moment, and then he shoved aside the feelings of guilt that weighed heavy, and he changed the subject swiftly.

"Come on then," he said to her, "Show me how skilful you've become with these anti venom jabs."

* * *

><p>Moments later the Doctor was out of his chair and face down on his bed – and he had needed little help to get there, something Clara found encouraging, another sign that he was recovering.<p>

As she opened up the sealed packaging and took out the syringe, she drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly, determined not to have a moment of anxiety and the breath-hold that would follow as she waited for the pain to hit.

"Ready?" she said quietly.

"Get on with it," the Doctor replied, and he closed his eyes trying to fight the waves of tension that shot through his body in anticipation of the pain to follow.

"Have you taken the pain meds, Doctor?" Jace asked.

"No."

"He wants to see if he can handle it on his own this time," Clara added, and then she glanced at the Doctor, "But don't worry, I'm here with pills and water if it gets too much."

"I know that. Hurry up, I'm getting nervous!" the Doctor said.

"Sorry," she replied, "I'll get it over with as quickly as I can," and she lowered the needle.

As the point neared the port it slid open and she slipped the needle inside and injected the contents, then she drew the needle out again and the port slid shut.

"Done," she said, and handed the used syringe to Jace.

He was watching the Doctor intently as he cautiously turned on to his back, breathing slowly as he fought to stay calm as he waited for the pain to hit.

"Okay?" he asked.

Pain began to burn in his lower spine, then flickering aches shot down his legs. The Doctor tensed, pain registering on his face as he dragged in a breath.

Clara was at his side instantly, reaching for the pain relief.

The Doctor held his hand up.

_"No...just...wait..."_ he was breathing through the pain, and then he closed his eyes, concentrating on every breath as the sharp pain began to flicker out and fade.

"I can do this...I've turned a corner. I worked it out, each day I get rapid improvement.. I can feel it fading out, I _can_ handle this..."

And then he opened his eyes and grabbed at Clara's hand and clutched it tightly as a trickle of sweat ran down his face.

"I'm fine now," he said, sounding slightly breathless, "I can handle it now."

Then he let go of her hand and rested heavily against his pillows as his breathing slowed to an even pace.

Clara was looking at him in surprise.

"You coped."

He laughed softly.

"I know, I'm getting through this thing now! Its almost over, I know it..."

"I'll get the scanner from the Tardis lab," Jace said, "I need to take a look at your spine."

As he left the room Clara sat on the edge of the bed and looked down at the Doctor as her eyes shone with relief.

"That terrible pain is really over?"

"Yes," he said to her, "I feel absolutely fine."

* * *

><p>Jace returned with a small hand held scanner, and Clara watched anxiously as he slowly ran it down the length of the Doctor's spine. As he looked to the small monitor set inside the scanner, she stepped closer to take a look at it.<p>

"How does that thing work?"

Jace traced his fingertip down the monitor.

"The clear area means no toxin left. The yellow area indicates presence of venom. You can see for yourself how much is left."

"Where?" Clara asked, and Jace ran his fingertip down the screen again as he kept the device held to the Doctor's back.

"Can you see what I'm seeing?"

The Doctor was on his front on the bed and had been listening to the conversation going on over him, but now both Jace and Clara had fallen silent.

He started to worry.

"What's wrong?" he said, "What is it now I know there's something..."

Jace lifted the scanner from his back and switched it off.

The Doctor turned over and sat up, eyes wide as he looked at Jace, who turned away as he put the scanner back into its case.

"Clara? What is it, what's wrong with me now?"

He saw her eyes had misted up with tears and as she looked at him she said nothing as she sat beside him again, she just kept on looking at him and the longer she did that, the more worried he became.

"What?" he demanded, "You'll have to tell me eventually! Say it!"

Clara blinked to clear her vision. As she spoke, her voice trembled, it was hushed, and choking with emotion.

"_Your scan was clear."_

He stared at her.

"_Clear?"_

She started to smile as tears of relief filled her eyes once more.

"_You're clear!" _she said again, "_It's over!"_

And she put her arms around him and he held her tightly as the news sunk in.

As the Doctor let go of her she saw joy shining in his eyes, but then he turned from Clara and addressed Jace.

"How long will it be before I can walk?"

"I don't know," Jace replied honestly, "This is unknown territory for me. I was treating you based on a human reaction to the venom – clearly, a Time Lord reaction is very different. Your recovery has been rapid."

"So give me a rough guess!" the Doctor said impatiently, "How long before I can walk, Jace?"

He shrugged.

"Hours, weeks, months – or never. I'm sorry, I don't know. Your reaction to the venom was very different to a human reaction and your recovery is something I can't accurately predict. It seems to me that you're doing well, all I can advise you to do is give it time and be patient. Don't rush it."

He saw a flicker of frustration in the Doctor's eyes.

"I'm not too good with being patient Jace. In fact I'm not a _patient_ kind of patient at all. I take it the treatment is finished now?"

"I'll have to remove the cybernetic port from your spine, but apart from that, yes its over."

"Then why can't I walk?"

"Nerve endings need to finish repairing. That is something that could happen tomorrow - or never. There is no more I can do for you."

"But I want to recover -"

"I'm sorry," Jace added, "I can't do any more, Doctor."

"But you've done enough," Clara told him, "You've got him through the worst of it, thank you, Jace. We're both grateful."

The Doctor nodded in agreement but remained silent, saying no more as he wondered exactly what recovery would mean.

Then Jace left the room and Clara stayed with the Doctor, speaking softly to him as she reminded him of all he needed to remember, that the pain was over now, there would be no more anti venom shots...

* * *

><p>Later as the sunset gave way to dusk and clear skies were darkened by smoky clouds, as Clara slept in the Doctor's room after dinner, he drove his chair out of the house and to the waters edge, where he spotted Jace standing alone as he threw something into the lake.<p>

The Doctor hit a button on his chair and drove over to join him, and as he turned and saw him there, Jace looked startled.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you," the Doctor said.

"You didn't," Jace replied, "I was just thinking, that's all."

"I've been doing too much of that too," the Doctor replied, "I've had time to do little else since I fell ill."

"I really miss my wife," Jace told him, "This is one of those evenings where I could just disappear into a bottle to block it all out. But I don't want to do that any more."

The Doctor looked at him thoughtfully.

"_Lets do a deal."_

"What sort of deal?"

"If you stop drinking, I'm going to try and get back on my feet again – with your help. What do you think, Jace? We're both afraid of trying for what we want, so let's do it together. You go sober and I'll try to learn to walk again."

Jace thought for a moment, looking out to the waters that were now dimmed by the darkening skies, and then he nodded.

"Okay," he said to the Doctor, "It's a deal."

And the two men shook hands.

* * *

><p><em>The days passed.<em>

Clara had no idea why the Doctor spent so much time in the Tardis with Jace showing him complicated scientific books in the Tardis library, claiming the medic would find them interesting – that was what he had said he was doing – but she had noticed as each day passed, the Doctor became more lively, more like his old self again, and that made her happy.

He was talkative, restless, becoming the man she had fallen in love with, the man she had known before the effects of the venom had changed him so much. The lines on his face seemed less deep now, his complexion was healthy and he was eating well and sleeping well and when he took her in his arms at night, their passion deepened and their love making had become complete, and although the Doctor was still compromised by his back, it seemed nothing was missing from their lives now, except for one thing:

_The Doctor was still confined to his wheelchair..._

Then one morning, after they had been at the cottage for almost two weeks, Clara had woken up to find the Doctor was already up and dressed and in his chair, and about to leave the bedroom.

"Where are you going?" she asked him sleepily, and he backed up the chair, leaned over her and kissed her and quickly explained:

"I'm still showing some texts to Jace, it will help him with his farming when we leave him on the planet of his choice. I think its going to be earth. I have to go, he's busy and he has to do a thing for me."

"What thing?"

She was sitting up in bed now, and she ran her fingers through her hair and pushed it out of her eyes.

"Just a thing," he replied, and he gave her a wink and then left the room.

Clara gave a sigh and slumped back down to the softness of a pillow that carried the scent of the Doctor's hair, and slipped back into an easy slumber.

* * *

><p>Half an hour later the Doctor was in the lab, his shirt off as he lay face down on a table as Jace cautiously removed the cybernetic port from his back.<p>

"Is it out?" he asked as he felt Jace tug something from his flesh, and Jace replied as he covered the wound:

"Yes and you have to rest for the next forty eight hours while it heals. I've covered it with a synthetic sealant that will encourage rapid healing, but don't get out of the chair until you're ready for bed. And absolutely _no_ trying to walk until the wound is closed, or you could damage your spine all over again."

The Doctor gave a sigh of frustration.

"This is not easy for me, Jace."

"Waiting never is."

He helped the Doctor to sit up and then handed him his shirt.

"What _are _you waiting for?" the Doctor asked.

Jace looked at him and felt caught out.

The Doctor was looking at him thoughtfully as he buttoned up his shirt.

"I'm just looking forward to getting that land and living the dream I should have shared with my wife."

The Doctor tidied his clothing and then eased himself back into his chair. Then he settled back and continued to eye Jace thoughtfully, and Jace began to feel uneasy.

"What's with the look?" Jace asked him.

"You said you was looking forward to buying the farmland. There's a huge difference between impatience and anticipation. What else is there, Jace?"

"_Nothing."_

He looked away, then turned his back as he began to pack up his surgical tools.

The Doctor frowned as he sat there in silence, wondering what Jace was hiding:

_There was something, but he couldn't work it out..._

_Surely if he had his eye on the Tardis he would have tried to steal it before now?_

"Are you sure there's nothing else?" he asked.

Jace looked around, and the Doctor noticed he was sweating.

"Nothing," he said, and forced a smile.

"I'll see you back at the cottage," the Doctor replied, and then he drove his chair out of the room.

* * *

><p>As the Doctor left, Jace put down the equipment he was packing up and breathed a heavy sigh, feeling torn between loyalty to his new friends and the need to change the past.<p>

He didn't want to force the Doctor to do anything, he wished him well, he wished both of them well and hurting either of them was the very last thing he wanted to do – but he could _not_ let go of the past.

It seemed as if every time he turned a corner, made an achievement in his life that felt like moving forward, she was dragging him back, like the ghost of Maria still lingered in his memory refusing to let go...

_He could not let her go._

His need to be with her, to change destiny and bring about a different ending that did not tear his heart in two was far greater than his need to be loyal to the Doctor and Clara.

_He knew he had to use the Tardis to go back and change the past, and he was going to do it soon._

_He was going to do it tomorrow..._


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Jace had waited until morning to announce that he was ready to leave.

He had made the announcement at breakfast and the Doctor had looked at him across the table and reminded him that as his back was still healing he still needed to rest - and so would not be taking the Tardis any where until at least the next day.

"Of course," Jace had agreed, "Like I said before, you need to rest now you've had the port taken out of your back. It should be more or less healed by tomorrow."

The Doctor arched an eyebrow as he looked at him doubtfully.

"And _how_ healed will I be, exactly?" he asked, "_More_, or _less_? Because _that_ will be significant to my recovery."

And Jace seemed worked up again.

"I just mean, you will be almost healed, most likely you will be able to try standing without pain tomorrow. But _don't_ try walking just yet – do it in your own good time."

And the two men exchanged a glance that Clara missed as she set coffee down on the table in front of the Doctor.

"So, where are you thinking of going?" Clara asked, and the question made Jace smile.

"Earth," he said, "Nineteenth century Earth, where I'm hoping to buy farmland and grow crops, just like Maria always dreamed of doing."

"Except that Maria will not be there," the Doctor added, and then he paused to sip his coffee, and looked up and saw sadness in Jace's eyes.

"But at least you can carry on her dream. Are you sure you want to do that, without her? Won't you find that difficult? I have a time machine, I can take you any where to start your life again. I just want to be sure you want to carry on the plans you made with her, because she's gone now."

He flinched.

"I know she's gone. Don't remind me."

"Sorry," the Doctor replied, and then he thought some more about that feeling he still had nagging at the back of his mind - a suspicion that Jace was certainly in a hurry for _something_...

"I'll take you tomorrow," he decided, "You'd better get your stuff packed up Jace."

And Jace smiled.

"I'll get on and do that right away," he said, and then he got up from the table and left the room.

* * *

><p>Later on as the sun burned bright in a clear sky, Jace was over the other side of the lake, relaxing in the warm grass as he enjoyed his final day on the unspoilt planet. He had packed up his belongings and taken them back to the Tardis, now he was waiting...<p>

_But for what, the Doctor was still unsure._

As the Doctor sat in his chair in the front garden, watching the peaceful lake as the sun lit the surface and the trees along the waters edge were filled with birdsong, Clara went down the path and joined him, placing her hands on his shoulders as she stood behind him.

"So you still think he's still up to something?"

"I saw him throw something in the lake yesterday," he replied, "But he was too far away so I couldn't see what it was."

"Maybe the last of his booze? You did tell me he's kicked the habit."

"No, it wasn't a bottle. Something much smaller... I just don't know what it could be, and what ever it is, its now at the bottom of the lake."

He glanced up at her.

"Fancy going for a swim?"

She looked to the cloudy water and then back to the Doctor.

"This is an alien planet. Who knows what could be in there!"

"I know what's in there," the Doctor replied, "Leeches that suck excess fat from human bodies. You really should go for a swim, you'll come out looking like a supermodel."

And he smiled, and so did she.

"I think I'll gave that a miss, thank you Doctor!"

Then she thought some more about what he had said.

"That thing he threw in the water – how big was it?"

"Tiny," he replied, "It barely made a ripple when it hit the surface."

"Maybe he was skimming stones."

"No, he threw it to lose it - right into the middle of the lake - he wanted shot of something."

Clara gave the Doctor's shoulders a gentle squeeze.

"Maybe you can try getting out of this chair soon."

"Maybe," he replied, "I want to make sure I'm healed first. I should be okay tomorrow, but I'm going to wait a little bit longer just to be sure."

Clara paused in thought for a moment, and then she spoke softly as the breeze blew warm across the water:

"I do feel sorry for him, knowing that he lost his wife. I don't think he will ever be truly happy without her."

"Then its up to him to make the most of the new life he has when we leave him on Earth," the Doctor replied, "I've done all I can for him."

"_Have you?"_

He looked up at her again.

"What are you suggesting, that I go back and alter his past? No Clara, I hate tinkering with time. I try so hard not to interfere and it seems I still do it everywhere I go even though I don't want to. Time is a delicate fabric."

"So is my white blouse, and a careful warm wash shifted a coffee stain that wasn't destined to stay there."

"Lives are not like coffee stains you can't compare the fabric of time to something that you put through a warm wash no matter how carefully you did it."

"Sorry, I was just trying to make a point."

"Point taken - and the answer is still _no_."

"But he saved your life."

The Doctor looked up at her again.

"I know that," he said, "And I'm grateful and I wish him well. But I'm not keen on the idea of messing with a time line."

"Of course not," she replied, "Why should you? You always try to be a good man and do the right thing, that makes perfect sense to me."

And she kissed him fondly, and then she went back into the house.

The Doctor sat alone at the lake thinking on her parting words and then he smiled as he shook his head.

"Oh Clara," he said softly, "You certainly know how to make a point!"

* * *

><p>Next morning Jace was up early, he was cooking breakfast and the smell of it drifted down the hallway to the Doctor's room, walking Clara from a restful night's sleep.<p>

"Good morning!" the Doctor said brightly.

He was up and dressed and in his chair.

"Do you need any help -"

"I tied my own shoe laces, thank you," he told her, and she sat up and blinked away sleep as she looked at the time.

"It's seven am! Come back to bed!"

"And miss all the fun?"

Now she was wide awake.

"What fun?"

"I'm taking Jace back in time to old earth today."

"And you want to leave right now?"

"Sooner the better, he's an impatient man."

"And we still don't know why he's in a hurry," Clara remarked as she got out of bed.

The Doctor watched her walk to the bathroom in a short, sheer night gown and smiled.

"Won't be long now," he promised.

She looked over her shoulder as she reached the bathroom door.

"Until what?"

"Until I'm chasing you around the bedroom!" And then he winked.

Clara smiled back at him, and then went into the bathroom and closed the door. Then the Doctor's expression changed as he thought deeply on Jace as he wondered what that man was planning...

* * *

><p>By the time Clara was showered and dressed and had finished putting on her make up, as she looked in the mirror it surprised her how much she had changed over the space of a few short weeks:<p>

The tension had vanished from her face, shadows that had gathered beneath her eyes after many sleepless worried nights had faded out, and her eyes now shone with confidence once more.

She thought back to all they had been through and concluded that perhaps she had to break in order to become strong again – now she was stronger than ever, now _they_ were stronger than ever too, and it seemed to make sense that facing the crisis together had helped the Doctor to pull through.

These had not been the circumstances she had wanted to come about as their love blossomed, but that was life – something bad had happened, she had told him how she felt, he had felt the same way and now they were together, and it was working, and it was going to be good.

The fact that the Doctor was still in the wheelchair - and quite possibly always would be - did nothing to take the joy away from all she knew she had to be thankful for.

Clara turned from the mirror and left the bedroom, ready to make the journey in the Tardis that would see Jace depart to begin a new life.

* * *

><p>"Are you sure you've got everything?" the Doctor asked as he sat in his chair beside the open door of the Tardis.<p>

Jace looked nervously at him.

"Yeah... I've left the lab stuff, just packed up my own suitcase full of my clothes... I won't need anything else. I'm leaving everything from the past behind."

"But not your wife's picture?" Clara asked as she joined them. Jace looked at her in surprise, and then he patted the pocked of his jacket.

"Of course not, she's in here! I couldn't leave her picture behind!"

"Right," the Doctor said, "We'd better be leaving, then."

And then he paused to yawn.

"_Late night?"_ Clara remarked.

The Doctor met her gaze and she caught a sparkle in his eyes.

"The Tardis has plenty of coffee. I'll be fine."

And then he pressed a button on the arm rest of the chair and drove through the open door, and Clara and Jace followed him inside.

* * *

><p>As the Doctor stopped his chair beside the console, Clara closed the Tardis door, and the Doctor began to press buttons and reach for dials he could not have reached before the healing process had been complete.<p>

"Need any help with those bags?" Clara offered, noticing Jace had two suitcases and was dragging them over to a nearby wall.

"Thanks," he said, and she reached for one of the cases.

The Doctor's hand was on a lever, ready to throw it, but he waited, watching closely as Jace stepped closer to Clara, then he saw him grab her wrist and twist it behind her back, making her cry out.

Then Jace's other hand came out of his pocket, bringing a laser pistol to her temple in a swift movement.

His hand was steady, he showed no trace of nervousness...

_Now the Doctor understood what he had been planning..._

"What ever he wants," Clara said as the pistol pressed to her temple and Jace held her firmly, "Don't give it to him!"

And the Doctor's hand lowered away from the lever that activated the space time controls as he looked hard at Jace.

"There is no need for this. _Let her go_."

"I'm sorry," Jace said as his voice choked with emotion, "I don't want to hurt anyone, I don't want you or Clara to get hurt, not after what you've been through! You're both good people! But I am desperate!"

The Doctor remained calm.

"Ah, _that _was what I saw in your eyes – not impatience, _desperation_... I take it you want to steal my time machine, then?"

Jace was sweating now, and his calm resolve was crumbling, but he kept a firm grip on Clara as he pressed the gun to her temple.

"I know you won't take me back there unless I force you! I have to save Maria! What life could I have without her?"

"A new one," the Doctor replied, "Not the same as it was before, each day will have a void in it where you feel as if there's a hole inside your heart, but at least you will still have a life, Jace. That's what people do when they lose someone they love, they carry on, even though _nothing_ is ever the same again, they carry on in their memory, or perhaps sometimes because they need to keep busy so they don't have to think about the grief, but they _do_ carry on, because _that_ is what happens!"

Jace drew in a sharp breath and blinked away tears.

"Take me back to the day of the transporter accident. I want to stop her boarding. And then, you will take me and my wife to earth, old earth, where we can live our days as she wanted us to, on our farm!"

"What if I told you that will never happen?" the Doctor said quietly as he fixed his gaze on Jace, who jabbed the gun harder against Clara's temple.

"Doctor!" she said in alarm, "Stop it!"

The Doctor backed away from the console and drove his chair closer to Jace.

"You wont harm either of us. I think you're more upset about the fact that you felt you had to betray us, that is what is hurting you, because you are not the kind of man to harm anyone, are you?"

"You don't know that!" Jace said, "Don't push me to do something I regret!"

"If you fire that thing in here you won't just kill Clara," he replied, "You will shoot her of course, but the laser will cut through her and then out of the exit wound and quite possibly damage the controls of this ship. Obviously, I'm keen to avoid _Clara damage_, but my _ship_ has to come first! Put the gun down before you kill us all or cause irreparable damage to the fabric of space and time. A damaged time machine could have lethal consequences for the whole of the universe!"

His hand began to tremble as he kept the gun pressed to Clara's temple.

She drew in a sharp breath and began to speak:

"Listen Jace, the Doctor is right. You're not a killer. You're not the sort of man to kill your friends to get what you want!"

"You have no idea what it's like for me!" he said, and as he spoke, tears ran down his face.

The Doctor was still sitting in front of him in the wheel chair, and he looked at Jace intently.

"Tell me what it _is_ like for you, Jace?"

"Empty!" he said bitterly, "Every day she's gone is like I'm living half a life! I can't live without her any longer!"

"I've lost people too," the Doctor replied, "Do you really want me to go through the kind of grief you suffer, all over again? Because I will if you pull that trigger. You know how much she means to me, you know how precious life is and how precious love is and what a difference it makes, that is why you worked so hard to save me!"

"I did," Jace agreed, "So you could be with Clara, because you love her."

"You haven't once asked me if I could take you back to Maria. You just assumed I would say no. And I did consider the idea, I thought about it and decided against it, because when the thought crossed my mind I knew I would be altering the course of destiny. I try not to do that too often as a Time Lord, because experience has taught me that sometimes the smallest ripple in the lake of time can have big consequences. Speaking of lakes, what _did_ you throw in the water, Jace?"

And the Doctor spotted a look of panic in his eyes.

"What was it?" he asked again, "I want to hear you say it, because I think I've worked it out."

And he moved his chair even closer to Jace.

"I'm warning you," Jace said, and he kept a tight grip on Clara as he swung the guns aim towards the Doctor, "Don't come any closer! Just take me back, do as I say and no one gets hurt!"

The Doctor shifted his chair even closer still.

Clara thought about struggling to break free from Jace's grip, but Jace had his finger hovering on the trigger and that laser pistol was pointed straight in the Doctor's face, and the Doctor was looking at him calmly, as Jace's hand trembled... It was too risky and she knew it – if she made a break for freedom, the slightest movement could see Jace hit the trigger...

"I said, do as I say!" Jace ordered, "Get over there and back to the controls, Doctor. You're taking me back to Maria!"

The Doctor was still perfectly calm.

"No I'm not, I don't take orders given down the sight of a laser weapon, Jace."

He steadied his aim.

"_Get back."_

"Doctor," Clara said urgently, "I think he means it..."

"I don't care what he means," the Doctor replied, and he reached out his hand, while his gaze locked on Jace.

"Don't make me do it!" Jace warned him.

"Doctor, he's going to shoot!"Clara said in alarm.

The Doctor's hand remained stretched out for the weapon.

"_I'll kill you!"_ Jace warned him.

The Doctor leaned forward in his chair as he reached closer for the laser pistol.

His eyes met with the desperate gaze of Jace Earl.

"_Give me the gun!"_ the Doctor said sharply.


	12. Chapter 12

Author Note:

Here is the final chapter. Hope this fic has been enjoyed as much as I enjoyed writing it, I love to put characters in situations that challenge them and push boundaries, I always enjoy the challenge of writing that kind of fic.

If you have enjoyed this fic, let me know about it, leave a review and/or message me if you want to, I have many more ideas for fics with 12xClara, and will be writing them as and when I have the time, in between writing my own novels :-)

* * *

><p>Chapter 12<p>

"_Give me the gun!"_ the Doctor said again.

Clara's eyes were wide as she watched him reach for it, and as he made his move, Jace's grip on the gun wavered.

"You won't shoot anyone," the Doctor said in a low voice, "You won't shoot me or Clara – I know it for a fact, because I'm close enough now to know what you threw in the lake. _This gun has no power unit._ It's about as much use as an empty water pistol!"

And as the Doctor lifted the gun from his grip, Jace gave a sob and leaned heavily against the wall as he let go of Clara.

"I'm sorry!" he wept, "But I _have_ to go back to her, I knew there was no other way, I just wanted to get you to take me back!"

"You just went about it the _wrong_ way," the Doctor replied, slipping the deactivated weapon into his pocket, "I think the only harm you've done here is the hurt you've caused yourself by pulling that gun on two people whose friendship you value."

Then he turned his chair back towards the console.

"Right," he said, "Let's go. I want you off my ship."

"Where are you taking me?"

Jace sounded worried.

The Doctor threw a lever and the Tardis took off.

"Not quite to the place you hoped to be," the Doctor replied, and as he heard him say that, Jace's eyes filled with panic.

"You can't send me back to my unit! They know I deserted my post, please don't send me back there -"

_"Shut up and let me speak!"_

"But I was just saying -"

"_Shut up!"_

Jace fell silent, looking apologetically at the Doctor as he glared at him.

"I'm not impressed with what you just did," the Doctor continued, "But, I _do_ understand. I'd probably do the same if it was the other way around and this was your Tardis and I wanted to get back to Clara."

And he knew she was looking at him with love shining in her eyes, he could feel it, but the Doctor continued to look at Jace as he added, "I'm not returning you to your unit. I am taking you to earth, its just that I had a plan that went slightly wrong because the space time controls went a bit haywire on me, as they sometimes do, so you _won't_ be living in nineteenth century rural England."

And then the Tardis landed and he shut down the controls and glanced to Clara.

"Please will you make me some coffee, I've been up all night, remember?"

And she nodded and then left the console room.

* * *

><p>Now they were alone, the Doctor looked up at Jace, who had just grabbed his suitcases, and then he leaned on the arm rests of his wheelchair and stood up.<p>

"I'm glad you kept your side of the bargain," the Doctor said as they walked towards the Tardis door. He was walking with ease, and seeing that made Jace smile.

"Well I had to, you kept yours – you learned to walk again, and so I stopped drinking."

"Good thing you did that," the Doctor replied, and he opened the Tardis door and Jace stepped outside, looked around in confusion and then glanced back at the Doctor, who was leaning against the open doorway with a smile on his face.

"Where am I?" Jace asked.

"Home," the Doctor replied, "Unfortunately, when I made a few arrangements last night it required a few trips in the Tardis and I landed off course. This is actually the middle of the London suburbs and the year is 1975, which means nylon shirts and flared trousers are in, but you deserve no less after the stunt you pulled with the gun."

Then he straightened up and reached into his pocket and handed him a set of keys.

"That house," he said, indicating to the smart, semi detached property in front of them, "Is yours."

Jace looked to him with gratitude in his eyes and for a moment it seemed that he was about to hug him, so the Doctor lessened his chances of a hug by putting his hands in his pockets as he stood in the Tardis doorway.

"_Thanks for saving my life,"_ the Doctor said to him, _"Now I get more time with Clara...time with the one I love, it matters."_

Then he swiftly changed the subject.

"You won't take long to get used to it here, and by the way, you won't be on your own. Enjoy your new life on old Earth."

As he said those words, Jace turned back to the house in time to see the front door open.

A woman stood there in a floral dress, her dark hair fell to her shoulders and her eyes filled with joy at the sight of him.

"_Maria?"_ he whispered.

As Jace ran to her, the Doctor lingered for a moment, recalling how he had decided to act on Clara's persuasive words - and then he had taken a brief flight back to the day of the transporter accident, when he had walked out of the Tardis and into a departure lounge, found Mrs Earl waiting for her flight, and politely said, _"Excuse me, I'm the Doctor. Your husband asked me to come and fetch you..."_

It had been a long night, making those trips back and forth in the Tardis to arrange this - but Clara had been right, he was a man who always tried to do the right thing - and after all he had been through, he understood more than ever just how precious life was when shared with a loved one... and _everybody_ deserved to have that chance, especially a second chance, if they could take it...

Jace was weeping with joy as he hugged Maria and kissed her.

"I've got so much to tell you!" she said to him excitedly.

But Jace pulled back for a moment.

"Wait – the Doctor, I have to thank him -"

As the air filled with the sound of a departing Tardis, he turned just in time to see the blue box fade in and out of sight, and then it vanished...

* * *

><p>As the Tardis floated gently through time and space, Clara was in the kitchen, having just made the Doctor a cup of coffee.<p>

"Clara," she heard him say, "Come out here for a minute."

"I've just made your coffee."

"Leave the coffee."

She set it down on the kitchen work top and went out of the kitchen.

As she turned to enter the corridor, she stopped abruptly, bumping into the Doctor.

She stared at him for a moment, all the way from his shoes up to his shirt, and then she looked up a little higher and met his gaze, and his eyes were sparkling.

"You can stand up?"

"I can walk, too!"

"Since when?"

"Since Jace got me back on my feet about a week ago."

"You didn't tell me?"

Warmth shone in his eyes.

"_Surprise!"_

She blinked away tears of relief and flung her arms around him, laughing as she remembered just how tall he was and the fact that she had to stand on tiptoe to reach him for a kiss.

He held her gently in his arms and kissed her deeply, then they embraced standing there in the corridor, neither speaking as she held on, weeping tears of joy.

"I'm so glad you're walking again!" she exclaimed.

He smiled.

"And now I think I should celebrate by taking you off to my bedroom, Clara."

She smiled too.

"And then lift me in your arms and carry me off to bed?"

The Doctor looked at her in surprise.

"Steady on, Clara, my back still feels like a pin cushion – be realistic!"

And then he grabbed her by the hand.

"Come on," he said impatiently, "I've been waiting to feel as good as this for a _long_ time!"

And then as he held on to her hand he hurried up the corridor impatiently, and Clara giggled as she broke into a run as she tried to keep up with him.

End.


End file.
